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Turning Macanese

I left for jfk at 6am Thursday, Thanksgiving morning and after journey by car, plane, train, taxi, ferry and bus, I ended up in Macau 6am Friday (7pm local time) at what might be the world’s most over-the-top Sofitel, shiny and garish, only three months old. Macau is completely out-Vegasing Vegas. Before passing out from exhaustion, we did take a quick peek at the on-site casino. With the exception of the Eastern European entertainment, i.e. girls in skimpy sequin costumes dancing to Cher, we were the only non-Asians in the house. It’s a weird scene.

I’m losing hope that we will get to Thailand tomorrow on our re-booked flight, or ever. Contingency plan looks like we’ll eat the cost and buy new tickets to Singapore Monday.

The only upside so far is that today I can get suckling pig at Fernando’s, which proved impossible on my last visit to Macau, only a day trip. Oh, and that I captured a lovely vomit scene during The Constant Gardener on the plane (yes, I chose that movie from the 100+ films on offer. I can’t watch comedies on planes—I prefer involved dramatic things I normally would never watch because it makes the time go by faster). Things are looking up.

Don’t Cry For Me

Despite feigning the ability to think independently, I’m frequently swayed by media and the opinions of strangers. Therefore, I have booked a trip to Buenos Aires for the first week of June. Is it the poor man's Barcelona? The Prague of the ‘00s? (Slate, Sun, Newsweek, Times ) Or an annoying place that Brown grads have turned into an Andean Williamsburg?

All I know is that there’s a great exchange rate, a shitload of beef, that June is nearly winter and that there’s a hotel that bizarrely bears my name. Beyond that I’m clueless.

Does anyone have any first (or second or third) hand knowledge of the city?

Not-So-Ancient Chinese Secrets

Unsurprising Things About China:

Crowds, loogie hawking (as opposed to persistent hawking of artwork, shoe shines, watches and postcards) pushing and the inability to stand in orderly lines. (I loved–and by loved I mean was defeated yet still amused–the elderly couple at immigration in Newark that ducked under the rope barriers and ran to the front of the snaking line.) Cutting has no meaning in China, which only makes the grade school concept of “Chinese cuts” ring truer.

Finding shoes or clothing in my size was futile. Shoes top out at 39 and the XLs at Uniqlo (yes, we tracked down a Uniqlo as well as H&M) looked very un-large.

The number of babies, pregnant women, SUVs and pet dogs was considerably lower than in my neck of the woods. Pets seem to be a semi-new thing and the few dogs I saw were small Pomeranian types, many in clothes. I liked the elderly woman who kept her tiny mutt in line like a donkey or circus animal while waving a small tree branch.

That I would be faced with two Robin Williams vehicles on the flight back, License to Wed and Mork and Mindy reruns (I was tortured by R.V. while stuck on the runway for two hours last summer).

That melon (my least favorite food in the world) is considered a dessert. I didn’t realize what a sweet tooth I had until faced with nonstop fruit and red beans—thankfully Pocky and Dove bars from the 24-hour Alldays kept me sane.

Surprising Things About China:

Spotting Steve Buscemi at a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Shanghai when I’ve never once seen him in Brooklyn.

A mania for Halloween, or at least decorating with pumpkins and that mask from Scream.

How painfully hard the beds are. I’d read about too firm mattresses on travel sites but didn’t quite understand the magnitude. I’m not a fussy sleeper, as I’ve mentioned before I spent three years on a disgusting left behind mattress in my first NYC apartment, but these Chinese mattresses nearly caused nerve damage. I got bruises from trying to lie on my side and had shooting leg pains the entire week and a half.

Their fixation with mopping and sweeping. Sure, cleanliness is next to godliness, but the Chinese are out of control. (I got charged $1.80 by a hotel for a towel that I supposedly permanently ruined. “You cleaned your shoes with it.” I finally figured out that it was a tiny patch of mascara they were referring to.) Sweepers with old-fashioned brooms were permanent fixtures on every street and overzealous moppers occupied every indoor surface and had no qualms about including your too-slow feet in the scrubbing process. I was stupid enough to bring along a pair of boots I’d never worn before and the smooth soles were completely powerless over the abnormally clean and slick surfaces indoors and out. I’m more used to grit and grime and kept skidding out.

How good I got with the squat toilets. Despite the mattress-induced leg pains, my thigh muscles proved up to the task. But what I still don’t understand is what you do about #2. Luckily, I never had to contend with that problem, but squat toilets don’t flush and you have to throw your self-provided toilet paper into a basket.

Gray smog. I’m not sure if it was fog or smog, but Beijing was so bleak and dreary you literally couldn’t see buildings across the street. The sun finally came out on our last day and was accompanied by bitter near-freezing temperatures. Thankfully, it was time to head to Shanghai because I hadn’t brought a coat with me and was frightened by what my outerwear prospects might be like in China.

How many brands and stores I’d never heard of. Some I’ve seen in Asia before like G2000 and Goldlion, but most were completely unknown to me. I don’t mean weird knock offs or bastardizations like Vony using a Sony logo but “real” stores in malls like Septwolves and Valued Squirrel.

As mullets are to Barcelona, bad frizzy ‘80s perms are to Beijing. I was too polite to take photos, though now I regret that error. I’m not sure if this unfortunate style seen on males and females was intentional or not. I didn’t see anyone on TV or in ads looking like that. Hip, irony seems severely lacking in China so I don’t think it was tongue in cheek. I’m not even sure what their sense of humor is, or if they have one. I had this sort of hair in grade school, mine was a result of home perms that rapidly faded into saggy kinks rather than full curls.

That I'm not sick of Chinese food. Usually, when I get back from an Asian vacation all I want is American or Mexican food for the first few days, but I could totally eat noodle soup or dumplings no problem. What I really want right now is something Sichuan, swimming in chile oil, but that kind of thwarts my plan to drop ten pounds by the end of the year (I originally had 25 in mind by end of 2007 but that's just not happening) and then I read, "Overindulging in Sichuan Cuisine May Harm Your Health" on the plane back to NYC. Bah.

So, onto my not-terribly-poignant food-centric photos with as little of myself in them as possible. I have to force myself to take pictures because it doesn’t feel natural, though I’ve definitely improved since my first visit to S.E. Asia in 2003 when I only managed eight pictures in two weeks. I suspect that my posts will be consumed with food in China for a while, so if you hate that sort of thing I’m afraid you’ll be tormented for the next few weeks.

Fancy Feast

Cathotpot_2Ok, so that’s it for NYC. At least for the next eleven days, (I don’t see any drastic moves in my immediate future, though I’m not opposed to the idea. My sister who’s lived in the UK for the past twelve years, weirded me out today when she mentioned that she was thinking of moving not just back to Oregon, but someplace isolated and rural because Portland’s too “big.” WTF? I can’t stand being around people but I’m not ready for the middle of nowhere yet.) Beijing and Shanghai will be my focus for the next week and a half and I have no idea what to expect. I will say that I’m not scared of stinky tofu, duck blood, seahorses on skewers or even cat hot pot (not scared ≠ want to try) but I’m nervous about the Great Wall.

It’s everything I loathe: crowds, relentless hawkers, tourists (including myself, of course), heights, stairs. I can almost guarantee a panic attack. And someone was saying there was now a roller coaster or some shit at the Great Wall? You’ve got to be kidding me–add amusement park rides to my list of phobias, thanks.

I rarely blog on the road and I’m not sure what the internet situation will be, though I’m all about modernity not roughing it so I imagine internet access won’t be a problem. It’s the lack of time on condensed vacations that poses the most problems. We’ll see.

Amores Perros

Maybe the JFK terror plot bust this past weekend was no biggie, I have a hard time judging the severity of things, but when it appeared on CNN mere hours before I was scheduled to fly into said airport I was “oh no, not again.” Just days before we were going to fly out Barcelona last summer, the big British bust occurred. Maybe terror plots are constantly being thwarted and I only notice the ones that directly affect me.

Anyway, Mexico City is now done and over and I need to recap rapidly because my mom’s coming to town Friday and I’ll be consumed with good daughter sightseeing duties instead of internet tinkering. A few thoughts:

My first inclination was to compare Mexico City (from here out referred to as D.F. a.k.a. Distrito Federal like their D.C.) to Bangkok because it the closest thing in my first-hand experience. But it really wasn’t like Bangkok at all except that there’s a lot of chaos and traffic. Whenever I started feeling hot, fussy and frustrated, I thought “well, it’s not as bad as Bangkok.” S.E. Asia had more heat and humidity, more touting, more pedestrian unfriendly sidewalks, more language barriers but it seemed safer and more modern in many ways. You could at least use public transportation to get around.

Instead of stray dogs everywhere, a weird pervasive thing in Thailand, pet dogs take up like every open inch of space. Apparently, Chilangos love canines. Everyone in Condesa, the area we stayed in, seemed to be walking dogs, dining with their companions or have them barking from roof terraces. Parque Mexico had outdoor dog obedience classes and a mobile van for grooming. But I’m a cat person. The only cats we saw were scruffy street felines, one with a missing eye. At a mall pet store they had gerbils, guinea pigs, rabbits, puppies, birds and fish, but no cats. I started wondering if the cats as pets concept didn’t exist but there were ads for Whiskas all over the place. Perhaps kittens are kept indoors like most in NYC.

I then started thinking of D.F. as west coast. It’s much more of an L.A. than an NYC and I don’t always identify with that. The weather is very much west coast, i.e. nice. You know, 70s during the day with no humidity and 50s at night so you can wear light sweaters and jackets and your makeup doesn’t melt off your face. Here, it’s like 80s, sticky as hell and the temperature doesn’t budge once the sun goes down.

Also, you really need a car to get around and only losers take buses and subways. Practially every restaurant that's the tiniest notch above a hole in the wall has valet parking. Guidebooks make it seem like you’re taking your life into your own hands by riding the metro (or eating street food or using exposed ATMs or hailing street taxis) so we were initially scared off. But we started getting tired of taking $10 taxi rides just to go to adjoining neighborhoods. We did avoid the metro during rush hours and night, but it was hardly harrowing. The worst aspect was that it’s not air-conditioned and occasionally sat for long periods at stations. I don’t think anyone who rides the NYC subway daily would be put off by crowds or CD salesmen or musicians traipsing through. But unlike NYC, it’s not a great equalizer. You have to be a special level of rich to eschew subways here but in D.F. like much of America, middle class and above wouldn’t set foot in public transportation. James works with a guy from Mexico City who has never ridden it in his life and strongly recommended against the metro.

We also ate street food and (technically) hailed a street taxi but it was in a mall parking lot so the threat of kidnapping seemed reduced. And I didn’t have any majorly bad food reactions until the very last day when we had to leave and I was in serious trouble (it’s not two days that I’ve been back and my stomach is still not calm—in fact, I just had to run to the bathroom at work and I’m not one for such public displays). It’s too bad duty free doesn’t sell adult diapers. I was seduced into security at a French bistro, where we had our last dinner. It was all quaint and I let my guard down and ordered a salad when everyone says you’re not supposed to eat raw fruit and vegetables. I think the lettuce and sprouts nearly killed me. That’s what happens when you stray from meat, frijoles and corn products.

I don’t see anything wrong with watching TV on vacation. When I flipped on the TV right after we checked in, No Reservations in Puerto Rico (an episode I never saw) was on and I got sucked in. All those spa, beach, resort people lounge around the pool or sand or get massages–all essentially lazy things. I usually go to cities and for me, relaxing involves sucking up air conditioning on a king sized bed, sipping overpriced bottled water and watching crap like Van Helsing. Oh yes, I did and it wasn’t subtitled at all so it was kind of funny and more tolerable. Same for CSI, which I’ve never really watched in my life. I also watched most of We Don’t Live Here Anymore, which I’ve never sat all the way through in the U.S.

Film-wise we saw Piratas del Caribe at a near-empty matinee. I haven’t followed the franchise so it didn’t mean much to me, but it beat the other English language choice, Premoniciones.

The mall. No, I didn’t see any pyramids but I became consumed with finding a mall. I like malls on vacation, they’re grounding and non-hot (except in Mexico where they don’t believe in climate control). No one seems to have a problem with this in the parts of Asia I’ve visited. Singapore and Hong Kong are shopping crazy. The freaking Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur contain a giant mall. Even Penang, which is a tad backwaterish, had a modern mall. Mexico City not so much. But I knew a beauty called Santa Fe in some bizarre planned community on the outskirts of town, existed. It’s the largest mall in Latin America (and isn't all that huge). There was no way we were not going but the logistics proved exasperating.

Discerning locations and directions from websites in D.F. was taxing. There’s no Google Maps or Mapquest. I had no idea if this mall was a few miles away or an hour away. Could it be reached by public transportation? Who knew, because anyone who could afford to shop there would have a car. We considered asking our hotel but they overcharge and I feared at least a $30 charge each way to be driven and by this point we’d figured out the mall was only about six miles away.

It wasn’t until our very last day in the country that we pieced together a plan. We took the metro two stops to someplace called Tacayuba that had a bus hub, which supposedly had buses to Santa Fe. But once you get out of the subway it’s nutso and there aren’t any sidewalks or proper bus stops and traffic is insane and the only way to know where is a bus is going is to look at the little paper rectangle with destinations in the front window. I didn’t see Santa Fe bound vehicles anywhere and it was hard to look while dodging other buses. This is where we started to fret because there wasn’t a proper taxi sitio, and tourists aren’t supposed to approach random cars. But we did because we were hot and desperate and got crammed into a taxi with two other women and hoped for the best. About 20 minutes later and $2 each, we arrived at the freaky business district teeming with tall luxury apartments, pseudo-skyscapers and freestanding Chili’s. Awesome.

I realize Mexico has a severe income gap (not that there’s much of middle class in NYC either—any city where six figures is considered barely scraping by is perverse) so I get that there’s a market for the $550 Prada wedges I saw. But I do wonder about things like the $10 burger at T.G.I. Friday’s. That’s Manhattan pricing. There were a lot of items that weren’t outrageous luxury but surprisingly expensive. I don’t even spend $100 on a pair of pants or $4.50 for an iced coffee here. And I don’t think the growing Mexican middle class does either. However, the $48 seven-course high caliber-tasting menu I had at Pujol seemed like a great value compared to what you’d pay for the equivalent in NYC.

Oh shit, I was just going to rattle off a few thought and now I’m getting annoyingly wordy.

Elevation. It’s high (too lazy too look up exact number and make a comparison to Denver. Never mind, I can’t let that slide. D.F.=7,349 ft. Denver=5,280 ft.). You get drunk faster. My cardiovascular system went haywire and I thought my lungs were collapsing and my heart was giving out the first night walking around. I must be in worse shape than I realized and didn’t start feeling normal until the end of the week. Now in NYC I’m a maniac going up the stairs and have tons of energy. It’ll probably wear off shortly.

Food blogs. Where are they? (Don’t make me start in on my Asian blogger diatribe.) It’s not like Mexico is the Sudan. There’s an incredible food culture and someone immersed in it needs to capture and disseminate the goodness on the web. Oh, in English, so I can read it easily.

Hot food. Uh, duh. It sounds like I’m stating the obvious but Mexican food (well, the salsas and condiments) is really hot. I’ve sampled a decent amount of west coast and NYC Mexican food and I swear nothing has been as spicy and I have a high tolerance. The pickled jalapeños are at least twice as strong as what you find here. And the upscale restaurants don’t tone it down. The salsa accompanying my whimsically plated grilled steak at a fancy pants restaurant numbed my mouth and shocked my tongue. In a good way, of course.

Turibus=sheer evil. I know, I know, what do you expect from a tour bus. And the fact that they even mention complaint forms on their homepage is tip off. For my eleven bucks I’d at least expect vague punctuality and to be returned back in my original neighborhood not dropped off in the middle of nowhere in the pitch dark. We initially thought it would be worth trying the Turibus because it’s such a pain to get around the city and with a day pass you can get on and off anywhere on the route, 9am-9pm and why not see the city? (I’ve done the NYC one twice, not of my own free will—thankfully, this time round my mom has decided she’s seen enough from a double decker.)

First off, it took an hour to find the stop in our neighborhood. Mexican websites have a real problem with maps and locations and the lack thereof. Then they make you wear this paper wristband that screams I’m a tourist come pickpocket and harass me on the streets and say you have to keep it on the re-board. I took mine off immediately after disembarking and then realized that even though we were on top for what seemed like less than an hour I had received a violent sunburn (the blisters are still peeling and oozing) with a nice white circle where the band blocked the rays.

Fine, we spent the afternoon doing all the historic stuff in the central area then around 6:30pm saw the Turibus and debated whether to run for it or wait for the next one. Not running for it was a near fatal mistake. They are supposed to come every 30-40 minutes, yet we ended up standing on the hot, sooty street corner until almost 8pm. This was cruel because up until this point and every day afterwards, we would see the Turibus in like every corner of the city, completely ubiquitous and full of idiots waving to passerbys on the street. Nothing a good ol’ flip of the bird couldn’t fix. What I hadn’t considered was the 9am-9pm thing and that wherever the bus may be on it’s 2.5 hour circuit at 9pm is where it stops for the night. We didn’t make it back to our neighborhood by the cut off and we were left at some auditorium in Chapultapec Park and had to find a taxi to take us back to our hotel (we were still green—it was probably a 30 minute walk that we did later in the week but we didn’t know where we were at the time).

Ok, it’s easier to show photos with captions than to use lots of words without illustration so here’s a slideshow thing that links to my flickr set.

Taco Overload

So, it's my last full day in D.F. and once again I've managed to get a scalding sunburn as I have on every vacation (even in Wales where it rained like 75% of the time). And I've eaten way too many tacos…and fancy food, too–I never thought I'd live to see tortilla foam. I also discovered an insane street food where they put a tamale in a big roll, creating a starch sandwich. As much as I love them, I think I'd eventually get burnt out on beans and corn if I stayed here longer and Asian food (other than sushi–they seem to love Japanese food) is severely lacking. I haven't seen a single Thai restaurant (though they did have pad thai at pan-Asian place that I didn't intend to eat at but kind of got stuck at because I was trying to escape a downpour).

Briefly thinking back to NYC, here is a Top 5 Thai Restaurant round-up I did for About.com that just got posted. I swear, I'm going to head out to Queens tomorrow night and load up on curry.

Due South

Dixiebig_1
There's nothing finer than a chaps wearing anthropomorphic peanut

Bellemeade1
A buffet genre nonexistent in NYC

Bellemeadeint
We were practically the youngest people in the place

Alabama
Who knew they had a restaurant?

Chickenbone
What is this, Brooklyn?!

Hogheaven1
Cute until you realize…he's dead?

Interstate
All roads lead to pig meat

Bealepig
Pigs and neon go hand in hand in Memphis

Fatboy
Little Debbies are pretty irresitable

Jcash
R.A.I.P. (rest area in peace)

Opry1
Weirdest (and most recommended by locals) attraction in Nashville

Salathai
Drive thru Thai was a novelty

Red Lobster

1/2 There's nothing like spending your Saturday evening at a Red Lobster in Hicksville, NY to make you question your life. I'd spent a long grueling afternoon at the Long Island Ikea and wouldn't have minded simply getting a meatball special in the cafe, but they'd closed it early. I was a little crushed, but only temporarily since it took no time at all for my eyes to zero in on the Red Lobster sign glowing across the street. Suburban paradise was beckoning.

Maybe I get a rush from Red Lobster because we didn't have them where I lived growing up. It's still novel to me. In fact, the second weekend I lived in New York, I ended up at a Red Lobster in Baldwin, Long Island and got my first dose of culture shock. The place was packed, there was an hour wait, everyone was done up in their Sunday best and my party was all bedraggled and sandy (we'd just come from Jones Beach) and we were the only white people as far as the eye could see (for reference, Portland is like 98% white). 

This wasn't an exact replica of that experience, but they did have the long wait (and the accompanying "beepers" so you can smoke in the parking lot and not miss your table), the families and couples on their big night out, and the wonderful decor (I liked the way they used five-for-a-dollar, thrift store staple books like "Love Story" piled on dividers to add a homey, maritime touch). It was all on the mark.

After skimming the menu, I came to the conclusion that everything comes covered with cream sauce or cheese, but since I'm a demon for dairy this was not an issue. Combo platters seemed to be the big sellers with all sorts of "for $5 more" add-ons like extra crab legs, shrimp on your salad, and the like. We started off with stuffed shrimp covered in bacon and served with cilantro ranch dip and pico de gallo. Cool, creamy and cheesy all at once.

It wouldn't be right to turn down a colorful cocktail so I opted for the Alotta Colada and James had a Lobsterita. I wasn't prepared for the enormity of these drinks–it was like taking a normal sized martini glass and increasing the size five-fold. Small children were gaping in amazement (seriously). We then got into a heated debate over what we thought the drinks would cost (each table has this tempting picture book full of foofy drinks and shots containing things like Midori and Southern Comfort, but with no prices listed). He guessed $10 and I swore that no non-Manhattanite would ever pay such a price (myself, included), and estimated $7.95. They ended up only being $5.99 each–talk about sticker shock!

I ate my Seafood Platter with stuffed flounder and a sampler of scallops, shrimp and crab dip covered in cheese to the soft strains of Bruce Hornsby and the Range and Vonda Shepherd doing that lovely "Ally McBeal" theme. Did I mention that dinner came with potatoes mashed with white cheddar and a large basket of their signature "Cheddar Bay Biscuits."? Fish may be heart-healthy, but the cardiac conscious would be well advised to steer clear. One girl's dream meal may be a lactose intolerant's nightmare.

Red Lobster * 1 Nevada St., Hicksville, NY