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Posts from the ‘Small Tragedies’ Category

Chew on This

Things have been quiet around here, not so much because I’m lazy, but because I can’t eat anything except mush and I’m foggy from pain killers. I had my wisdom tooth out over a week ago and something went awry and it’s not healing. Hmm, maybe I attempted corned beef, hamburgers and a pupu platter a bit too soon. I was being optimistic. After a return visit to the dentist and a new batch of vicodin, I am now back to oatmeal, soup and yogurt. Despite being three pounds lighter (temporarily, I’m sure) I am also greatly saddened, not to mention starving.

Reading about the opening of Num Pang makes me want to cry. I don’t know if I can read food blogs until I can eat real food again.

On the up side, I am just about exactly half-way through the 896-page 2666. A little book learning never killed anyone.

Mystery Solved

Niedersteins1939
I wasn’t expecting Arby’s as the mystery chain taking over the Gage & Tollner spot because it’s not as if we haven’t experienced Arby’s in the city (two in Queens and one now closed in the Manhattan Mall).

I used to eat a Beef ‘n Cheddar and Jamocha shake for lunch practically every day as a high school freshman so I’ve been swayed the allure of Arby’s (I don’t think I’ve foot in one in over 15 years, though).

I would just be concerned about their move into a landmarked building. In 2005 Arby’s razed Niederstein’s, Queens’ oldest restaurant, and built right on top of the spot.

1939 Niederstein's photo from Maspeth Chamber of Commerce.

Certain Standards

As a Pacific Northwest native, I’ll be extra certain to never ever visit this Brooklyn bar.

Cheese Sandwiches Are a Dish Best Served Cold

Confused as to why a cold cheese sandwich, fruit and carton of milk is somehow more punitive than going lunchless. Isn’t free blah food better than no food at all? I ate many a PB&J/orange (ok, I might've also gotten a granola bar) bagged lunch in grade school and managed to survive. And please don't tell me this is about self-esteem.

Then again,  I used to sneak pinches of processed American cheese out of my school cafeteria's walk-in fridge so I probably would've enjoyed a cold cheese sandwich. Yes, I've written about processed cheese on more than one occasion–here and here–because I love it that much.

The First Rule of Raw Milk Club

Urbanfarmer
It’s not easy for me to articulate why, but I hate community (I’m also not fond of the concept of legacy). In theory, likeminded people who do things together or at least operate in overlapping social spheres with common goals would be positive, yet so much fostering of taste and values only ends up feeling inbred and smug to me.

There’s nothing wrong with creating your own chocolate from cacao or butchering your own locally sourced meat or pickling, like everything. I’ll concede that it all sounds very cool. (It’s funny that this is all coming to fruition. Eons ago, ok, in 2000, I worked at a short-lived culinary start-up founded by a respected food writer whose byline you see less regularly than you used to. I distinctly recall a group excursion to long-gone Pearson’s Barbecue where a few of us were jokingly speculating when hipsters would start getting into homemade sausages and charcuterie. Who knew it would be a reality in eight years?)

But pegging this behavior to a particular neighborhood (yes, the Times article is titled “Brooklyn’s New Culinary Movement” but this trend really only thrives in a northwestern swath of the borough among a very narrow segment of Kings County's 2.5 million residents) only serves to mythologize a scene. Maybe it’s scenes that I have issues with not community.

Gabrielle Langholtz, editor of Edible Brooklyn stated, “Every person you pass has read Michael Pollan, every person has thought about joining a raw milk club, and if they haven’t made ricotta, they want to.” Really? Raw milk clubs? Exclusive. How does one become a member in this secret dairy society? I’m waiting for a password-protected speakeasy offering unpasteurized delights. It probably already exists somewhere on my block, but you have to look like a daguerreotype come to life to gain entry.

Perhaps I’m just a killjoy. I can’t get into the countless indie cook-offs: pies, chili, casseroles that also a growing Brooklyn staple, any more than I want to be a part of chef worship, the glam other extreme exemplified by the South Beach Food & Wine Festival being covered to death by a certain strata of food blogs this week.

My feelings on this so-called movement can be summed up using the same words Bruni used to describe Buttermilk Channel, the restaurant spitting distance from my apartment that was today’s one-star review (can’t believe I’m using his prose to express my feelings). “It’s laudable and predictable in equal measures.” True that.

Of course I love food; I just find it hard to care about precious foodie fads, and ones so close to home, no less.  One might argue that the problem lies with me rather than those pursuing their supposed culinary passions. It’s very possible that I’m simply jealous of artisanal entrepreneurs because I’m tied to a day job for survival (who could afford $8 bars of chocolate without steady work?) Oh, and that there isn’t a single foodstuff I’d even be inclined to make, perfect and sell.

Hmm, the comments section of the Diner's Journal is getting mildly heated (the space was intended for questions to be passed along to the subjects of the Brooklyn-centric article, but it's filling up with cranky statements instead). I'm surprised that there's surprise over a backlash.

What Would a Libertine Do?

Just got back from discount oysters and nearly half-priced beers at The Libertine. Not sure if it’s a true indication of Wall Street’s collapse, but the bar was dead (granted, on a Monday night). As a cheap crowd-phobic who has a job for the time being, I will continue indulging in cut-rate specials. Enjoyed my half-dozen West Coast bivalves, but the most entertaining part was how due to renovations the bathrooms are actually in hotel rooms on the Gild Hall’s third floor via key cards available at the front desk. I guess only common decency would prevent one from bouncing on the bed or whatnot. It did not inhibit whoever used the room before me from taking a odorific dump in the toilet, though.

Unbearably Mediocre

Black bear cheese

Normally, I scoff at brand label buyers who shun generics. Why buy Advil when Duane Reade ibuprofen does the same thing for less? But I just discovered that not all processed cheese is created equal (ok, I already knew that Kraft singles melt while weird 99-cent brands like Tropical don't).

While perusing the refrigerated deli section at a NJ Shop Rite, I went to grab my occasional guilty treat Land O'Lakes white American cheese then noticed a twin product mixed right into the pile: Black Bear, a brand I'd never heard of and can find no evidence of on the internet, for $2 less per pound. Sure, I'd try it.

I anticipated my first creamy bite, but no, it wasn't right. The deceptively albino slice just tasted like a normal shiny orange square that comes individually wrapped in plastic. It was lacking chewiness and real cheese flavor that might be attributable to milk though I can't say for sure.  I'm certain this knock off would taste fine in a grilled cheese sandwich but I just like tearing off bits of cheese to snack on straight from the fridge and Black Bear lacks purity. No more cutting corners with cheese products again.

It Had Better Not Be Bird Flu

I don’t know what’s going on. Yesterday I forced myself to go to work despite being insanely jetlagged and having a horrible sore throat/head cold. I managed to make it through my office holiday party, met friends for drinks at The Bell House afterward and even ate White Castle at 2am no problem. But this morning I woke up feverish and barely able to speak. And after finally getting a bagel (something New Yorky I had been craving in Asia) and a cup of coffee, instead of feeling better I started puking uncontrollably. I’ve spent my entire Saturday in bed. I’m too dizzy to even look at a computer screen for long, which is frustrating because I have a zillion photos to go through. All I can do is sit still, drink water and watch bad TV. Thank goodness TNT has a new Librarian movie premiering tonight.

Hong Kong Fluey

I’ve been mum the past few days because the nausea that randomly struck in the cab on the way to the airport on Saturday turned into some sort of full blown stomach flu. I’ve barely been able to keep food down in Hong Kong, which is distressing to someone who travels with the primary intention of eating. I’ve been biting my tongue (or rather, tempering my typing fingers) but now I can honestly declare this the worst vacation ever.

(I also just found out that my freelance review gig for nymag.com has been eliminated, which was no surprise after the recent Gael Greene debacle. I do wonder if it’s bad karma for recently speculating on how the economy hadn’t really fucked me up yet. At least I have a day job and it’s not as if penning a few short reviews a month subsidized SE Asian vacations, anyway. That said, I wouldn’t mind another side deal.)

I spent all Monday night throwing up with those severe kind of stomach cramps where you think a creature is trying to escape. I had to lie mummy-like still on the bed, even moving an inch would trigger another vomit attack. I began to have new empathy for the Zimbabwean cholera victims they keep showing on rows of hospital beds on CNN (and Al Jazeera—I’ve really taken a liking to that station and totally don’t get why Americans are so freaked by it. I learned more about the Hajj in the past few days than I have in a lifetime). At least I’d probably perk up in 36 hours or so. Amd all that hurling has left my ribs in pain, which must mean that my abs have been given a work out. Oh, and I probably didn't digest nearly as many calories as I thought I would. Great vacation diet.

So, today is my last day in Hong Kong and I’m determined to have fun. I’ll eat Sichuan food for lunch, something I’ve had to put off all week, even if it kills me. Tonight it’s schmancy Chinese food at Hutong. HK is obsessed with dress codes, as if the average citizen (or perhaps tourist) is brain damaged. Do not show up at Hutong in shorts, sandals or sleeveless. Our pricy Intercontinental buffet admonished, “no slippers or singlets.” I assume slippers are sandals and flip flops but singlet threw me for a loop. I’m guessing tank top?

I will buck up, keep my meals down and try to refrain from putting on a singlet. And I will be back in NYC Thursday determined to make the rest of 2008 a win.

Sick But Not Homesick

I've been trying to be negative, as is my usual way, but this is devolving into the worst vacation ever. My mild sniffles have turned into an ear and throat ache and James' cold and cough that he left NYC with has turned into something where he can't breathe or walk more than ten feet without hyperventilating. We considered going to the emergency room last night and I think we're going to have to go to the hospital today (Friday morning) because it's getting worse. I think it's severe bronchitis, at least I hope so, because respiratory ailments in Singapore and Hong Kong (where we're supposed to be tomorrow) are very serious post-SARS. If it's pneunonia they will send up back to the US. I'm afraid showing up with breathing problems and a cough is going to fuck up the rest of this vacation. At least I don't think either of us has a fever, which would be the kiss of death. And it's all because of Thailand. If we were there like we were meant to be this week, we could just buy amoxicillin over the counter. You can't just go to a clinic in Singapore and ask for antibiotics, they're going to x-ray, lord knows what else and quarantine you or something.

I had planned on trying the DiFara of rojak today but it appears that I'll be in a hospital waiting room. And if you never hear from me again, I'm stuck in a Singaporean isolation ward.