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Posts from the ‘Newborns’ Category

Lazy-Assed Sides & Squeezes

The world has gone squeeze crazy. Remember when French’s mustard was the only thing in a squishy bottle? Now every condiment comes ready to ooze through a little opening. I guess the point is that you don’t need a knife? Maybe it’s a messy kid thing? I don’t care for the thickness that a squeezed trail of anything leaves on my food, so I just end up having to spread it out with a knife anyway. Now Pillsbury has Treat Toppers Squeeze Frosting because apparently it was too hard to get the readymade stuff from little plastic tub to cake surface. I like novelty, but this product isn’t for people like me.

Also on the weirdo convenience/laziness front are Country Crock Side Dishes. Really, how hard is it to mash potatoes? I don’t have a family to feed, but still, I think I could handle the challenge of macaroni and cheese or rice from scratch. But it doesn’t stop with the sides, the Meals in Minutes brochure shows you how to craft whole meals around prepared foods. Yum, London broil seasoned with Knorr Recipe Classics Roasted Garlic Herb Dip, green beans with Shedd’s Spread, store bought apple pie with Breyer’s vanilla ice cream, Lipton ice tea, and of course Country Crock Side Dishes Homestyle Mashed Potatoes.

Shrek & Spice

Yeah, Shrek’s made his ugly way into everything. But these fluffy green filled Twinkies caught my attention anyway. It’s probably due to my love of any unnaturally green food (lettuce? Not so much love). I used to go nuts every St. Patrick’s Day when McDonald’s would do shamrock shakes and sundaes. After begging for one, I’d invariably be disappointed by the mint flavor (mint’s never done much for me, which is troublesome for someone with green as a favorite color). I’m not sure how many years this begging then rejecting scenario ensued before my parents stopped giving in to my demands. Luckily, Shrek Twinkies don’t taste minty green, they just are.

Once again, I’ve become fascinated by soda even though I don’t really have a taste for it. No, I’m not even going to discuss those limited edition Thanksgiving-themed Jones sodas. Pepsi Spice is for the masses. More interesting than the beverage are the scary little recipes for things liked baked yams using…you guessed it, Pepsi Spice. Perhaps even scarier is this person’s quest to only drink Pepsi Spice for a month and a half.

M-Azing

I’m not sure about all this inbreeding. It used to be that getting your chocolate in someone’s peanut butter (and vice versa, of course) was as far as candy combos went. Now they’ve gone and put mini M&Ms in a chocolate bar to make M-Azing. Admittedly, that’s not so weird, but I’m going to balk if they start embedding gummi bears or jelly beans in chocolate.

Uncrustable

Smucker’s Uncrustables certainly aren’t brand new, but I was reminded of them recently during an excursion to the new Brooklyn Target (which has a frozen food aisle—I don’t recall seeing this before). Why someone couldn’t simply slap a PBJ together and cut the crusts off themselves, is beyond me. There’s something very creepy about their round, crimped shape. Oh, and I see they have grilled cheese now, too. Very Hot Pockets.

Speaking of Smucker’s, I recently noticed an ad for a Milky Way ice cream topping. I can’t figure out how this differs from their regular caramel flavor, and how much it’s set apart from their dulce de leche milk caramel flavor. They’re really caramel crazy (me too, I’d almost always take caramel over chocolate toppings). Do Americans really demand that much caramel variety?

Star-Spangled Doodles

I’m not generally a chip eater, though I do have a fondness for Cheetos-esqe snacks (though if you asked my mom she wouldn’t agree that Cheetos even are chips. I practically got beaten as a child when she gave me money to run into Albertson’s and buy chips for dinner and I came out with Cheetos) if they’re presented to me. But I couldn’t resist the zaniness of Wise’s Star-Spangled Doodles. I’d never seen red, white and blue cheese puffs before. It wasn’t until I got them home that I realized that it had almost been a month since 4th of July, and that the expiration date on the bag read 7/13/04. This didn’t stop me from enjoying my festive booty, but it did make me even more suspicious of the horrible neighborhood Key Foods than I already was.

Cheetobag_1

Cheetos_1

If You Like Pina Coladas…

More limited edition candy: now there’s a Triple Chocolate Kit Kat (which isn’t even on their lame website). Almond Joy has a crazy white chocolate pineapple coconut version, which also isn’t on their lame website. Pina colada flavors are so ’80s trashy that you’ve gotta love them.

Old Hat

I mentioned the elusive white Kit Kats and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups way back in 2002. So why is that I’m just now starting to see commercials for them? It’s old hat now. I’m more concerned with all the new low-carb crap on the market. I might be excited about the new Lime Diet Coke if I actually liked drinking soda (let alone diet soda, though as a color green is my favorite and as a flavor, lime is right up there). I’m a little bummed because I was hoping for lime green liquid, not cola color.

Love See No Color

M&M’s have done it again. It wasn’t enough to create shades for every season and holiday (when did they start that anyway? It seems like a given now, but it was probably the ’80s), and to allow custom colors via their website. Now they’ve gone extreme (or simple, depending upon how you view it) with the introduction of the new black & white, i.e. colorless M&M’s. Since this seems to be some promotional/contest thing, I’m curious how long these hues will last. Even more curious is their recipe for baklava (they took the damn link down).

The Year Low Carb Broke

It’s all so damn EDGY! I predict these links will be dead in no time.

T.G.I. Friday’s Atkins Approved Menu

Rock Green Light

Ben & Jerry’s Carb Karma Ice Cream

Doritos Edge and Tostitos Edge (not on FritoLay.com
yet)

Pepsi Edge

Coke C2

Hershey’s Sugar Free

Coors’s Aspen Edge

Heinz One Carb

Oroweat Carb Counting 100% Whole Wheat

McCheesesteak

I don’t know if this is new or just new to me but I’ve just discovered that certain McDonald’s serve Philly Cheesesteaks. And I thought McGriddles were nuts.

I thought I was hallucinating the other day when I passed by a Dominos with a Philly Cheesesteak Pizza ad in the window. I don’t suppose provolone, beef and green peppers is any crazier than Thousand Island dressing and corn on a pizza, but I tend to think pizza should stay pizza and that sandwiches keep to their own.