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Posts from the ‘Newborns’ Category

Apr 1

I Say Pressata, You Say Frescata

Saladbar Laugh all you want about my Wendy's salads, but my Garden Sensations kick that had started to dwindle has been renewed by their new chicken spinach version. No, it's not the most amazing thing you?ve ever tasted. But I daresay it's the least offensive and most filling salad under five bucks in the E. 50s. Spinach, romaine (no, it's not all spinach–that would freak fast foodies out), cubed chicken, bacon bits, hard boiled egg, grape tomatoes, croutons and sweet and sour bacon dressing, and it's ten points (yes, I'm shamefully admitting to semi-following a Weight Watchers regimen. I would never mention this at work because I can?t stand point-tallying office ladies with their Splenda and microwave popcorn full of hydrogenated fat, even though I'm a points counter who works in an office with lots of women) which isn't bad for a salad with "stuff" in it, and less if you omit the croutons and use half the dressing.

Ha, I see Wendy's has finally jumped on the "gourmet" sandwich bandwagon. Surprisingly, these Frescatas aren?t pressed Panini-style, which I thought was all the rage on lunch menus. I should start a contest to find the best made up faux Italian name for a sandwich. Pax (is Europa Caf the same thing?their menu looks the same) across the street has a Pressata. I'm sure that's just the beginning.

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Dec 8

Crumbelievable

What is up with all the new cheesey commercials (pun totally intended) using decades-old one-hit-wonders? Modern English’s “Melt With You” is not so cleverly being used by Ritz Crackers. I guess it’s been a while now, probably ’97 or so, when they used this same some for Burger King. It’s bad enough when music gets subverted this way, but it’s double annoying when more than one brand attaches their name to a tune, even if it’s eight years later (Currently, there’s a Geico ad where the gecko is made to do a robot dance and I don’t know what song is in the background, but it’s also used in a Revlon commercial). Maybe I’m just hypersensitive because this is the kind of request I’d get at work, making sure that a new ad doesn’t copy older ones. I'm sure my searches aren't exhaustive, but it's not that hard to avoid aping.

But the “Melt With You” inanity is nothing compared to EMF’s (does Kraft know what the acronym stands for?) “Unbelievable” morphing into “Crumbelievable” as a soundtrack to bouncing, tumbling Cheese Crumbles. I absolutely loathed that song when it was ubiquitous on the airwaves, so my reaction has nothing to do with nostalgia or an aversion to sellouts. Perhaps it has more to do with how my gender and age puts me in the mommy demographic who would presumably respond favorably to this ditty, and that makes me feel like hurling orange processed dairy chunks.

Dog_2
I can’t wait until they use “Who Let the Dogs Out” for Ballpark Franks. Um, they haven’t done that yet, have they?

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Nov 11

Blue Mood

I swear I’m not obsessed with this crunchy new Trader Joe’s offering, but Monteblue & Populet fits one of my fixations. I hadn’t really thought of this blueberry infested caramel corn as blue food when I purchased it. The overall tone is golden, the dried berries a deep indigo that hardly registers as blue. I spent a Sunday intermittently picking at the sweet popped kernels, but forgot about my grazing by the time Monday kicked in. While performing some late night toothbrushing, rinsing and spitting, I became mildly alarmed by the baby blue froth sitting in the sink. Ah, the monteblue had left its fruity mark. It was a pretty shade really, like Roux Fanci-full rinse in Blue Mood (I used to use this on my bleached hair in high school, but it doesn’t seem to exist any more). Maybe the thought of hair products for the silver set isn’t appetizing to all, but I like the connection.

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Sep 23

Nights in Purple Satin

This past weekend at Target I was almost able to recapture the original joy I felt when first discovered purple spooky cat Peeps. Always a sucker for new merchandising gimmicks, I couldn’t resist the Peeps cat purple satin pillow. I don’t know if this is a new product or not, but I’d never seen it before. Never mind how disturbing it is to be faced with aisles of Halloween candy when it’s still mid-80s and humid, I still bought the cat (and somehow refrained from the sweets).

Peepscat_1

As I’ve said probably a million times before, I’m not much of a soda person (I wish I could say the same for other sweet junk food). I don’t feel the urge to drink many brands, but Jones Sodas always look so appealing that I couldn’t resist also picking up a mini four-pack of Halloween caramel apple flavor at Target. I had no trouble leaving the candy corn flavor on the shelf, however.

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Sep 19

Shirley Temples are So Passe

Today I was reading about Kidsbeer and of course Americans are having a shit fit (despite the beverage not being sold in the U.S.). I guess it’s the same as the candy cigarette issue (which I think are also good clean fun). The best part is the Kidsbeer slogan “even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink.” You said it.

I can’t read Japanese so the official Kidsbeer site from Tomomasu is kind of lost on me, though not that lost because the bizarre images and packaging are possibly better without explanation. I hate to stereotype, but the Japanese are, well, kind of weird. These drawings aren’t in the typical cute/oddball canon, but are kind of creepy and maniacal. Sort of Darger meets Dzama.

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Jul 26

Wonka & Whoppers

I killed two sassy limited edition birds with one stone, and served both Chocolicious Wonka Cakes and Vanilla Milkshake Whoppers (they also had strawberry, but I had to draw the line) at my birthday. I think guests were more scared than enticed. Not everyone is a slave to short lived snack items like I am. That’s fine.

I thought they did a nice job with the purple icing and filling. It’s hard to get the purple dye right for some reason, the same goes with paint and eye shadow. Instead of brilliant and pretty it tends to end up dull and grayed-out. When Peeps put out purple marshmallow cats a few years ago, the results were unintentionally spooky.

Wonka

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Jun 25

Joy to Behold

Limealmondjoy_1 I thought those pina colada Almond Joys I found awhile back were as wild as it got, but at a friend’s birthday party I was treated to miniature key lime versions. Classy. Well, no one seemed to be eating them except me, as the consensus was that they were gross. The yellowish, off-white chocolate was slightly off-putting. So, of course I stuffed handfuls into my purse like the desperate bag lady that I am. I only regret not taking more.

According to their less than exciting website, passion fruit has also been given the limited edition treatment. Who knew?

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Jun 5

Mad Hot Latin Snacks

I love it when big brands go ethnic, even though frequently the foods are way off target and totally end up sucking. Pasta Roni World Flavors, anyone? I primarily mean items intended for American audiences since I suppose lots of countries have local staples replicated by U.S. corporations like one of my personal favorites Pillsbury parathas (too bad they didn’t put a bindi on Poppin’ Fresh’s forehead). Currently, the flavor craze is Latin American. Lime, chili, dulce de leche are seeping into our subconscious.

Dulce de Leche M&Ms are old hat, being introduced in 2001. But I’m still steaming over their no show in NYC. I think they were test marketed in parts of California, Texas and Florida. I don’t even think they still make them. Speaking of M&Ms, I see they’re going dark. I’m guessing they’re jumping on the antioxidant bandwagon (despite the whole Star Wars shtick). Next thing you know they’ll be churning out whole grain Hershey bars.

La Dulceria Thalia is quite a line of products. Dulce de leche Hershey’s Kisses, spicy Jolly Rancher pops, cajeta candies. Where is this stuff? Maybe I just haven’t been looking hard enough or in the right neighborhoods. Ah ha, I just grabbed a bag with Thalia’s face at the Jack’s 99-cent store counter. It wasn’t until I got it back to work that I realized the chocolates are cookies and cream flavored. So, now the Oreo combo is Hispanic too?

Entenmann’s Delicias Latina really got me excited and normally I don’t give a crap about Entenmann’s. New flavors of things I don’t even ingest make me happy. Mango loaf, tres leche cake—it just seems more appealing than ordinary danish. Leave it to Western Beef whose slogan “we know the neighborhood” is generally pretty true. They carry all sorts of packaged Caribbean and South American treats from local bakeries. But this is the first mainstream brand I’m aware of with a Latin line. It’s only a matter of time before guava cream filled Twinkies replace strawberry (hmm, I could’ve sworn there was a strawberry and cream Twinkie, but I’m not seeing it anywhere. And I don’t mean Tiger Tails, one of my absolute favorites, which have also been discontinued).

McCain Latin Latitudes You thought those potato smiley faces were wild—now McCain has gone Latin. It’s so hot to handle that these products aren’t available to the public. If you want to taste Cuban Style Pork Spring Rolls or Jamaican Style Jerk Chicken Dumplings you’ll have to have fine dining establishments that purchase these frozen treats cook them up for you.

Flamin’ Hot Limon Cheetos I don’t know that these are specifically Latin flavored cheese puffs. It’s not like Chester Cheeta is wearing a sombrero or anything (just his trademark shades). But I say it counts. Cheetos are the only chip (yeah, yeah, not everyone thinks cheese puffs are chips) I like, and chili and lime is a pretty right on combo. Don’t even get me started on all the amazing Lay’s varieties I encountered in S.E. Asia. It was almost enough to make me crave potato chips.

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Apr 14

Reese’s & Triple Pepperoni Threat

Hershey’s is so nuts with the new candies and limited editions. Every time I turn my back they’ve got a new incarnation of something. The Reese’s line has always been one of my favorites—who can resist the all-American peanut butter and chocolate combo? Dark and white chocolate shells were first. Then they did the inside outthing. I had a honey roasted peanut butter flavor not too long ago (it really didn’t stand apart from the original, kind of pointless). I’m currently obsessed with the seasonal white chocolate Easter eggs. And now they have a Chocolate Lovers and Peanut Butter Lovers promotion. I haven’t tried either, but I’d think that that a pure peanut butter version would kind of miss the point of a peanut butter cup. Two great tastes that taste great together—wasn’t that the slogan?

Take 5 would seem a bit excessive, though at least Hershey’s has the decency to spell out the five components for you: caramel, peanut butter, pretzels, chocolate and peanuts (I think breaking out peanuts and peanut butter is fudging a bit). This is a tasty sweet/salty fix, better than the highly addictive Nestle Flipz.

While Hershey’s might explain their five ingredients, I’m totally baffled by Pizza Hut’s three pepperoni claim in their limited edition “Pepperoni Trio.” Isn’t pepperoni just pepperoni? You could say three kinds of ham because ham comes in countless permutations. You could probably say three kinds of salami, too, but I’m a stickler about this varieties of pepperoni nonsense. Ok, they don’t even have a special product page detailing this big lie, but there is a description makes it apparent that the two extra pepperoni flavors are hickory-smoked and southwestern. Sadly, I am still not sated by this explanation.

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Mar 24

Red & Pink

Red Peeps. This year has seen the advent of the Peep making machine and Peep in a chocolate egg. But it’s new color, not contraptions that catch my attention and red Peeps scream “look at me, eat me.” These new un-Easter shaded treats are being called Target red, and I guess they’re only being sold at Target (duh). A lot of clout, that Target.

Not exclusive to any particular store, and probably not even all that new, but in the same color family is Strawberry Cool Whip. (Ah, it’s seasonal for Spring and Summer. The cooler months get french vanilla flavored whip.) Cool Whip is hard for me to abide in any state—I’ve become a whip cream purist with age—but pink is an endearing color for the fluff (speaking of, I picked up a jar of strawberry marshmallow fluff at Jack’s the great, but perpetually crowded 99-cent store near work). And look what can be made with Strawberry Cool Whip and three additional Kraft products: scary tiramisu.

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