Posts from the ‘I Do(nut)’ Category

Jul 16

Melts in Your Mouth, Not on Your Hand

I don’t make a habit out of watching I Propose. In fact, I’d never seen an episode until Friday while flipping through the channels. With a description like, “A man makes a memorable dinner,” I knew there would be high likelihood of a food-ring combo. There was, but I have to say that frugal as I tend to be, this wannabe groom's $1,000 jewelry budget was a little dismaying.

Apparently, these chocolate boxes are commonplace so I’ll be desensitized when I inevitably encounter the next cocoa-based vessel.

While only indirectly using food as a ruse, at least #11 on this list of marriage proposal ideas doesn't involve chocolate (starch-lovers might also enjoy #26, involving a baked potato).

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Apr 30

Stay Classy

The second I heard A.J.’s little Latina lady friend utter the words “I didn’t order nothin’” as a fancy silver domed tray appeared, I knew I was in a for a treat. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any hiding, wedging or tucking into edibles, just a clean and simple diamond ring in a box. Classy, just as one would expect from a young Soprano.

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Apr 16

Worming Your Way Into My Heart

Carpediem Sunday’s Times featured numerous poignant tales of interracial, interfaith love. Yawn. But my favorite tabloid of record came through with class, aplomb and a bag of candy. The Harrison-Roses union was sparked by this new, unique form of proposal involving, get this, food.

“Candy can satisfy a sweet tooth, but finding a diamond amid a mess of gummy worms is the ultimate treat. ‘I put the ring in a bag of candy,’ laughs Travis Harrison, founder and owner of Serious Business Music, describing his proposal to Rebecca Roses. ‘I knew I had to seize the moment.’”

Yes, nothing says carpe diem like a wad of gummies. (Unfortunately, that’s not the groom pictured above.) Hiding an engagement ring in a sack of earthworms? Now, that would be at least slightly memorable.

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Mar 31

On a Roll

Oh, this week’s Lost had a total gotcha moment. I wasn’t particularly fond of the plot focus on two undeveloped characters. Mysterious collapses, buried treasure, gasped last words…who cares. But I was holding my breath during the scene where the cheesy actress was offered the bread basket by her sugar daddy. “Here, try one of these homemade rolls” so translates to “will you marry me” in my mind. Damn, but it was a fancy bracelet, not an engagement ring. So close. Now they really need to work a food-based proposal into 24, which will be no small feat, considering the only character I’ve seen eat on that show this season was autistic.

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Mar 15

Sweeter than Chocolate

The New York Post has it all over the New York Times for sundry superficial reasons, one of them being their spookily democratic wedding coverage. Finally, there’s a place for the girthy, college-free and the non-white to express their love.

I’m afraid the Castillo-Boneta profile won’t be up much longer, so here’s the passage that matters:

“Boneta, now a New York City police officer, proposed on Easter Sunday in 2005, but it took a little coaxing to have Castillo find something even sweeter than chocolate in her Easter basket. ‘I was totally exhausted that morning, but after he and my mom nudged me a little bit, I opened it up and found the ring,’ Castillo remembers.”

I have no visual on said romantic Easter basket so I’ll just have to imagine the beauty.

Ringegg

As a nostalgic obsessive aside, I recently couldn’t help but Google my early-teen first stalkee/near date raper who tormented me all of 8th grade and freshman year with his grotesque hotness and put me off of straight guys for years. The very first hit was a five-and-a-half-year-old New York Times wedding announcement. I hazard to guess that he’s one of the very few, possibly only Gresham, Oregon natives to make the column (ah, there is one other possible candidate from 1997). I just wanted to see a grownup photo, that’s all. Um, he does appear to be living on the Upper West Side so I guess if I was dangerously curious I could always stake out the building.

“Creepy Easter” photo borrowed from The Seven Deadly Sinners

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Jan 12

Something Fishy

There have been a lot of rings and food near misses in the past few days. During a commercial break, out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw a woman pulling a ring out of cooked salmon. Score. Thank goodness for technology allowing me to rewind “live” TV. It was an eBay commercial where a fish ate a ring fashioned from the words IT. Later, a woman finds the ring while eating dinner. No proposal, just randomness.

Last night I was thwarted again when Salma Hayek’s character on Ugly Betty was trying to get Daniel Meade to propose to her in 60 days (unbeknownst to him) and he said he had a surprise for her. It was a glass of yogurt and granola containing heart-shaped slices of papaya. I was holding my breath as Sophia rooted around the glass looking for a ring. I so wanted it to be there for my sake. But no, sometimes yogurt is just yogurt. She did get her engagement ring later in the episode.

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Jan 5

Jewel-Encrusted Crustacean

I Do(nut), which might seem cryptic at first glance, is the latest to join the ranks of my pointless but must-be-pointed-out categories a la No Fat Dudes and Vomit Watch. It’s documenting absolutely useless crap like this that keeps me sane (seriously, it’s very soothing). The crap in question is when a man (and it’s almost always a man) proposes using food as a vehicle for the diamond (and it’s almost always a diamond) ring. Does this happen in real life? I would just pretend like I didn’t see the gem and put the offending piece of food in my mouth like nothing was up.

I’m no chick flick lover, but apparently James is, he’ll watch the worst schlock and watch it repeatedly. If I’ve seen a film, I don’t want to see it again for at least five years, even if it was amazing. I used to get irritated by his TV viewing habits but I’ve learned to relax and go zen even if it’s the fifth time Batman Begins comes on or something I have zero interest in like Glory appears on screen.

So, the other night he put on In Her Shoes about thirty minutes into the movie and just left it there. It seemed that Toni Collette was fat because she was wearing a heavy coat and her pretty, partying sister, Cameron Diaz called her fat. And then like thirty minutes later she’s thin because she’s not wearing the coat anymore and she finds love and a Jewish lawyer asks her to marry him in a Philadelphia Jamaican jerk shop using a plate of rice and beans topped with shrimp.

The photo’s a little pixilated but that’s an engagement ring gracing the front-facing prawn. Is there anything dreamier than a jewel-encrusted crustacean?