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Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

Ranch-Style

Things are bleak for the middle class, and could be made no clearer than the Darden brand examples given at the end of The New York Times’ recent report. Traffic is declining at Olive Garden where the average check is $16.50 (clearly, these people aren’t partaking in the chianti) where spending is up at Capital Grille and closer to $71.

Most notable to me, though, was how the company has re-branded its answer to Outback Steakhouse.

“LongHorn Steakhouse, another Darden chain, has been reworked to target a slightly more affluent crowd than Olive Garden, with décor intended to evoke a cattleman’s ranch instead of an Old West theme.”

The differences between Old West and ranch-style seem nuanced at best—at least to my untrained eyes. (For the record, the above photo is intended to be “a warm, relaxing atmosphere reminiscent of a Western rancher’s home.”)

Meanwhile, in the “Soviet-style dystopia” that is Sochi, there is a mall where the only open business is a “thriving” Cinnabon.  The real question is whether giant American cinnamon rolls qualify as middle-class in a Russian Olympic village.

 

 

Two Weeks in International Intrigue: Red Beans, Red Sauce, Spam

I posted no stray links last weekend because I knocked out a good portion of my front two teeth and somehow that kept me from posting online for a few days. These links must live.

Dairy Queen has recently expanded into Guyana, Taiwan and Vietnam. In Ho Chi Minh City you can have red bean and green teas flavors (not clear whether this is toppings or soft serve). Poland, Turkey, UAE, Kuwait and Jordan could be next.

Spam is suitable for gift-giving in South Korea.

It’s odd because we don’t have Jamie Oliver restaurants in the US, but Jamie’s Italian is all over the rest of the world. Next up, Stockholm.

Technomic rounds-up a slew of foreign restaurants opening in the US. I’ve been waiting for Bibigo, the bibimbap chain. Just Falafel may be the only UAE-based restaurant to make the unusual reverse journey and open here.

Subway is growing like crazy in the UK and Ireland, and will start serving breakfast.

 

Top Six Chains I Didn’t Expect in Dubai

shake shack dubai mall

Yeah, we all know about Shake Shack’s world domination (I saw three of Dubai’s four without even trying) and at this point P.F. Chang’s, Red Lobster, IHOP, Cheesecake Factory, and even Texas Roadhouse are all a given, but what about the lesser chains and outposts?

I didn’t know Ashton Kutcher was responsible for a restaurant, let alone one called Ketchup. Seriously? There are sliders, potato skins and vodka-free cosmopolitans. According to the American website, what you won’t find: “boring background music and atmosphere on par with a senior citizen’s buffet in a Midwestern shopping mall.” It is not clear if there are any remaining Ketchup locations in the US.

bennigan's dubai

Bennigan’s is one of those heritage brands like Kenny Rogers Roasters and Tony Roma’s (I was shocked to hear one recently opened in the Atlantic Center–why is no one talking about this? And yes, there is one in Dubai) that seem to thrive abroad while all but extinct on its home turf. Having not grown up with Bennigan’s, I’m not even sure what its calling card is. Turkey O’Toole™? Not only is the sandwich trademarked, but also the phrase Crowd Pleasers™ used to describe appetizers.

cafe habana dubai

Moving New York-ward, Cafe Habana exists and actually serves alcohol (indoors only). I know, because I was drawn in by the novelty and had the worst Hemingway Daiquiri of my life and paid $14 for the privilege.

rosa mexicano dubai mall

Also, Rosa Mexicano, which is directly next to Eataly in the Dubai Mall.

Despite not being listed on the website and saddled a distancing prefix, Maison Bagatelle is somehow loosely affiliated with the Meatpacking original. Being un-licensed, though, it bears little resemblance. It’s just a cafe more akin to the ubiquitous PAUL. Alcohol-free probably equals douche-free, at least.

entrecote cafe de paris dubai

Ok, this is Entrecote Café de Paris in the Dubai Mall, which is different than Le Relais de L’Entrecôte in Dubai Festival City Mall, but you know, the same thing as the Le Relais De Venise L’Entrecôte in NYC. I can’t keep all the iterations straight–there are three run by the descendants of the original founder.

 

I regret missing Hot Dog on a Stick because I would have loved seeing what the uniforms looked like. There’s no way the original striped mod set exposing shoulders and knees would be allowed.

 

The Week in International Intrigue: Peri-Peri, Big Pictures, Lamb Burgers

The Guardian generated over 1,200 comments when Jay Rayner defended Nando’s (and mildly insulted the monotonous cuisine of Dordogne).

Quartz is one of those endless scroll sites with big photos that make everything seem smart and important (for instance, if you were to read some of the content–just some–from Roads & Kingdoms in a Word doc, the whole vibe would change) like this article/post that uses charts and links to say that there are lots of Dunkin’ Donuts in other parts of the world even though only a few US regions have the chain. New Yorkers don’t realize how good they’ve got it–I recently tried some doughnuts and coffee at the newish maligned Bedford Ave. location [why is no one going nuts over the truly new branch  on Metropolitan Ave. near the Lorimer station?] and they were so delicious and cheap.

Fuddruckers, a chain that on one really defends, is opening in the Dominican Republic and hopes to sway locals with unique-to-the-region specialties like lamb burgers with mint jelly (I had no idea) and bread pudding.

 

Save Your Brioche Buns and Asiago Cheese For Someone Who Cares

Restaurants can try wooing diners all they like with exquisite millennial buns, Satisfries and Italiano burgers, but according to research firm NPD only 30% of Americans ordered a new-to-them item on their last restaurant visit. And among that group, 73% of the never-tried foods were already on the menu, neither new nor  limited-time promotions. One can only wonder how that new and scary pizza by the slice thing will work out for Pizza Hut.

Uncool Cocktail Corner

dallas bbq frozen long island ice tea

Dallas BBQ continues to top itself. Thinking creative Times Square mixology, I went looking for the Red Velvet Piña Colada and shot of Bacardi 151 advertised last month. But no, instead the special was frozen Long Island Ice Tea with an Absolut shooter. Texas-sized, of course. Never mind that while the colors of each cocktail differ wildly (don’t forget the Apple Bottom Royale) they all kind of taste like the same sweet slush.

It’s slightly counter-intuitive but if you’re ever on 42nd St. and can’t take another ambling tourist, you should take refuge at the tri-level Dallas BBQ. There’s never a wait because it’s enormous and it’s filled top to bottom with locals who know how to appreciate a frozen drink.

One thing that BBQ has yet to tap into is the new breed of sweet flavored vodkas. Even an Irish bar in Queens was recently featuring a drink make with whipped cream vodka and gummy bears. And no, I did not order it.

The Week In International Intrigue: Starbucks Style, Drunk and Disorderly Denny’s, Indian Tough Guys

Dazaifu Tenmangu shrine Starbucks in Japan: Starbucks via Wired

Dazaifu Tenmangu shrine Starbucks in Japan: Starbucks via Wired

Even if you hate seeing Starbucks when abroad (or on your own corner) you must concede that the beyond-ubiquitous coffee chain does design some very cool localized shops.

It’s always fascinating (yes, fascinating) to see which restaurants open in the Middle East. There’s nothing surprising about PF Chang’s, Shake Shack or Fatburger in an Abu Dhabi mall; they’re practically standards now, but a new Macaroni Grill is a little less expected since Italian-American chains are underrepresented (still no Olive Garden) and I’d never even heard of Alison Nelson’s Chocolate Bar, which  in NYC is just called Chocolate Bar. There is already a presence in Dubai, Qatar and Pakistan, it turns out.

First Manhattan (despite supposedly being “synonymous with a late night party atmosphere, as well as drunk, disorderly, violent and criminal conduct”) now the Middle East. Denny’s will be opening in nine countries, starting with the UAE. Despite the Dubai IHOP never looking particularly crowded, there must be some interest in American diner food with an emphasis on breakfast. Long live beef bacon and turkey ham.

India is increasingly attractive to American fast food brands; Burger King is arriving, McDonald’s is introducing its McCafe format, and Dunkin’ Donuts opened in September with a mildly bonkers range of non-doughnut food. Currently, there are twelve “burgers,” half vegetarian, which are really bagel sandwiches. The Heaven Can Wait includes both chile mayo and jalapeno cheese sauce while the new Tough Guy is said to contain a Mexican chorizo patty (confusing because that looks like chicken and is pork even allowed as a meat?) and spicy mustard sauce. I do appreciate the country’s positivity; the tagline for these sandwiches is “Tough times never last, but tough people do” and there is a chocolate on chocolate doughnut named Alive By Chocolate.

A different breed of Americana, Brooklyn Bowl, complete with Blue Ribbon fried chicken, kind of makes sense in London.

There will also be ten Johnny Rockets in Pakistan.

 

 

 

 

You Won’t Believe the 11 Things That Only Olive Garden-Lovers Will Understand

It was disappointing to see that BuzzFeed Business covered the possible Darden splitting of Red Lobster and Olive Garden without a single animated gif or numbered list. The summary of a Barrington Capital presentation, titled simply “What Went Wrong For Olive Garden And Red Lobster,” pretty much reproduced screenshots.

red lobster escalator

What I can’t understand is how there is not a single Olive Garden in the UAE (bear with me, I’m going to be talking about Dubai until I get it out of my system) while Red Lobster is rampant. Pasta? Cheese? Breadsticks? Everyone except the gluten-avoidant can eat it.

eataly dubai mall

It’s not as if locals eschew Italian food. The Dubai Mall houses a newly opened Eataly that sells no wine and has some pretty lame salumi. If you don’t like bresaola, you’re out of luck.

chicken mortadella mexican la fontaine

Mortadella is also not what it seems.

texas roadhouse dubai

Also, Texas Roadhouse serves veal ribs, which doesn’t seem right. There appears to be an interest in American-style barbecue, despite the baby back conundrum. Chili’s uses beef with the bastardized tagline, “I want my BBQ ribs.”

claw

The oddity is Claw BBQ, a relatively new homegrown pork-licensed restaurant that appears to sell pulled pork, Kansas-style ribs and is hyper-conscientious about keeping the pork confined.

cafe habana dubai

Claw also just got a liquor license. Sadly, too late for me. I had a pretty bad over-priced Hemingway Daquiri at the same shopping complex’s Cafe Habana, the NYC chainlet inspired by a Mexico City Cafe. Now in Dubai (obviously).

That’s BREE-osh to You

According to USA Today, unlike those white bread boomers, millennials are demanding “unconventional bread options” for their burgers, and fast food chains are happy to comply.

“For those who can’t pronounce the word, it’s BREE-osh, a light, slightly sweet French bread that’s made with milk, eggs and a rich yeast dough.”

The beauty of being part of a generation that slacked so hard we ceased to exist, at least to marketers, is that no one gives a rat’s ass if I eat my burger on a multigrain bun, Hawaiian bread bun, chipotle-studded bun, pretzel bun or even on brioche, however the youngsters pronounce it.

“Millennials need to have something that says who they are — uniquely them. The more unique the better — hold the raisins.”

I could also eat raisin bread and not let it define me. Or maybe even Craisins, a dried, sweetened cranberry introduced by Ocean Spray in 1993, likely to target boomer moms rather than Gen Xers hitting their peak sell-to-me years. Craisins are pronounced like cranberry minus the ranberry plus raisin.

 

The Week in International Intrigue: Ping Pong, Pizza Hat, Philly Steaks

mash donald's

Remember when Susan Sarandon got all into ping pong and opened SPiN with her super-young boyfriend? Now Dubai is having that experience, but with gold-plated tables, naturally.

Those ping-pongers will soon be able to brunch at Clinton Street Baking Company too.

Iranians are master fast food appropriators.

Johnny Rockets has been in Kuwait for 18 years and is continuing its Mideast expansion.

What does anyone know about Belgian food beyond fries and waffles? Soon enough New Yorkers will find out when healthy fast-casual EKKi  shows up in Manhattan. Based on the Facebook page, there will be farro, bowtie pasta and couscous.

Charleys Philly Steaks wants to fill “a void in the Russian market for quality, grilled sandwiches.”

Americans love Costa Rica so it’s not really surprising that the country would get a few Dairy Queens.

Photo: niacinsight.com via Buzzfeed