Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

Aug 30

Where Subways Fear to Tread

The Sunday before last, I needed to kill time in Queens so I decided to check out Glendale’s mall-in-progress, The Shops at Atlas Park because I like going places where subways don't reach. I’d eaten lunch in Sunnyside and also had to eat dinner in Jackson Heights, but didn’t want to go all the way back home to Brooklyn to wait for my appetite to reappear (I have harbored fantasies about somehow being able to remove meals, without barfing, so you can immediately eat another).

I wouldn’t say I’m a mall connoisseur, but I do have my standards. And while I realize this shopping center isn’t fully realized, this one didn’t do much for me. Even though Atlas Park is brand new and ‘00s style, there’s something about it that reminded me of an old beat-up long gone Portland mall called Eastport Plaza. I took a bunch of photos of the raggedy half-empty collection of stores back in the pre-blogging, mid-‘90s but I’m sure what I did with them.

It had its hey day in the early ‘80s and was never much to look at even then. It was small (note that mall wasn’t in the name either) and had stores like Newberry (R.I.P.), Frederick’s of Hollywood, Doo-Da (a Spencer’s rip off) and Orange Julius. (I saw santa there when I was five or so and he said, “here’s a candy cane for your brother.” Hmm, I didn’t have a brother.) Now one of Portland’s only Wal-Marts (weird that both locations are on 82nd Ave.) is in the old space and they’ve completely remodeled the block into a strip mall, (is that website classy or what?) complete with an Izzy's, my favorite NW pizza buffet. I'd dare say it's the same clientele that was attracted to the old busted mall.

All that was open at Atlas Park was a J. Jill, an Amish Market (which I don’t think is Amish but merely a chain of overpriced midtown delis), California Pizza Kitchen and Stein Mart. I had been curious about Stein Mart because I’ve seen TV ads, but have never set foot in one (this is the only one in NYC). It felt like a pricier Marshalls, which is amusing because I used to think Marshalls was a more expensive Ross (which they don’t have in New York state). There’s nothing remarkable about Stein Mart unless you like decorating your home with 3-D wood cut-outs spelling inspirational words like “peace” and “family.”

The movie theater was also open and we did that thing that normally baffles me—just showing up with no plan and picking a movie on the spot. Little Miss Sunshine was the lesser of the cinematic evils on offer (I swear I’m not a snob, I just like movies with dialogue and regular kinds of characters where not a lot happens and you end up feeling kind of sad. I would like to see Half Nelson and Factotum in the immediate future). I will say that Regal Cinemas has insane customer service. Everyone’s cheerful and full of hellos and thank yous. No one talks, let alone yells, during the film. I was kind of scared. This is the anti-Court Street Stadium. Even the kid with a broom and dustpan who walked in front of our row during the movie whispered excuse me.

I wouldn’t mind paying The Shops at Atlas Park another visit in 15 years (oh my goodness, I just realized that would make me 49) and seeing if it has turned all ghostly and dilapidated like Eastport Plaza.

The Shops at Atlas Park * 8000 Cooper Ave., Glendale, NY

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Jul 29

Lettuce Entertain You

Food marketing is fascinating. As I mentioned before, the only reason my last week before vacation has been tolerable is because I'm doing chain restaurant research and it totally rocks. I've been trying to get away from this corporate niche that I've started getting myself into (and I might possibly have an out in the next few weeks, but who knows because whenever I say that it never materializes) but if I were to really peruse that route with a vengeance, I would have to somehow get into food marketing. I was so completely in awe at a meeting last week when we brought in this head honcho from a corporate food consulting company to get us up to speed since our company is filled with middle aged (or close to it) NYC women who wouldn't and haven't set foot in a chain restaurant and need to get up to speed asap on in the industry. I loved this guy. Seriously. He was 40-something, suit-y, polished, kind of like an executive version of Marc Marrone (who I also love) but sounded exactly like Steve Buscemi and was very wry. He knew every menu item at every chain in existence and what times of day women eat at particular chains and how much they spend and how to develop new flavor combos and crazy menu items like southwestern eggrolls. I tried impressing him with my knowledge–I was the only one in the room who knew what Bonefish Grill was and that it was a chain to watch (I liked that he compared the mix and match approach of Bonefish to Craft in their initital iteration, which showed that he's up on all levels of dining).

Like I said, I love this guy (um, I even looked him up because he struck me as someone who would live in Manhattan rather than Westchester, NJ or CT just because he has a wife and kids-and he is in NYC). How do you get to travel around the U.S. giving insights and making recommendations to corporate chefs and heads of marketing? I think these are MBAs, and that's a route I can't go. More and more I see jobs that ask for an MLS or MBA, which is interesting. The major difference is that librarians are good at finding information, but they're not generally equipped to offer insights or analysis. And I assume the latter is what people expect from business school grads. The money is in the insights not the info. When I interviewed at McKinsey for a gussied-up cataloging job, the head of the dept. noted that what I'm currently doing is more R&I (I had no idea what that stood for and had to look it up-research & innovation) and had I considered going that route as it's much more lucrative. Those jobs are scary and you'll work your ass off and I'm not one for working my ass off (though it's a different track than consulting, which are the truly coveted, highly competitive, work 16 hours a day, make shitloads of money jobs). And they're always in industries I'm unenthused about like finance, real estate, insurance. Out of curiosity I did look at the knowledge center page of the McKinsey site and they profiled a few employees, mostly males with MBAs, but there was one female and she had a library degree (of course) so while difficult to get your foot in the door, it's not unheard of. I just don't think it's me, however. It's hard not to look at the photos of employees and wonder whether or not you would get along with them.

So, after learning about "eatertainment" last week, I was excited to see a retail-tainment piece in today's Times. So tantalizing, yet grotesque. I think what's offputting is that most of these concepts are devised to make shopping fun for families. And as you might know I loathe how this generation of youngsters is catered to. In-store dining, free ice cream cones, musical entertainment, petting zoos, animatronics aren't there to entertain me-they only create more logjams and chaos in the aisles-they're to distract the kids long enough so their parents don't have to beat them in public. So, too bad for old folks and younger cranky childless people who view grocery stores as a place to um, buy groceries. The Shopping Buddy does sound promising, but as you'll note not a single NY Stop & Shop is on the list (yes, I realize it's more of a New England chain, but they do exist in the boroughs and I have a Stop & Shop card)

I see that the 30s can be very lame. You're too old to be targeted as hip or creative, but you're hardly into boomer uplift me with retirement planning commercials using Paul McCartney. You're useless, so it's your likely overindulged offspring that are being spoken to with marketing tactics. Now, I see why people stay in NYC. I never used to get what the big allure was. In your 20s it's a giant hodge podge of possibility, but gradually people get grounded, settle down and frequently move away to cities that provide more retail-tainment options. If you don't need space, convenience, good schools or suburban comforts because it's just yourself to contend with and it's not worth the bother, then you stay because why would you want to surround yourself with those unwarranted things. So whoever's left here when they're adult adults is a very specific breed or else very wealthy and could create peace and relief in any setting (and I hate those people unless they're that food marketing guy I met last week because I love him).

Jesus, I'm supposed to be writing a short book review of a Cuban food writer's memoir, but here I am wasting a good 30 minutes writing about absolutely nothing of importance. And I'm also supposed to be getting downstairs and using that elliptical trainer and instead I'm eating more of that See's candy that causes digestive tract mishaps. But aren't Saturday morning supposed to be like that? Procrastinating and potentially pooping on yourself.

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Jul 24

Slurpees Aren’t Even the Half of It

Since there aren’t many 7-Elevens around the city (no, I never got into that brief urban nostalgia craze when they started opening in Manhattan last year), I forget how crazy and full of amazing innovations they are. When I lived in Sunset Park for a few years, I had an On the Run, complete with a small parking lot (atypical for Brooklyn) on the next block. It met the minimal requirements for a convenience store, but they didn’t get too wild with the products (except for the Green Mountain blueberry and pumpkin flavored coffees advertised in the gas station).

I popped in the Bay Ridge 7-Eleven this weekend after a patience trying, but ultimately fruitful Century 21 visit (I’ve really been wanting these green sandals with a cork heel, (they're not jade like in the photo but true color crayon green) but $79 seemed completely overpriced. $59 at Century 21 was still more than I thought was fair, but then I remembered that I had a little birthday pocket cash and all was good). It was a bonanza of bizarre edible inventions. I wish I’d had my camera with me because, duh, a picture is worth a thousand words (and my words aren’t even that worthy). If berry and squash coffees were disturbing, 7-Eleven goes one further with a whole machine devoted to making key lime cappuccino. How did that flavor combo even cross someone’s mind?

Despite not even drinking soda, I was very impressed with their beverage station that was promoting a “flavor blast” concept. You could push a button and choose a squirt of additional flavor like cherry, vanilla or lemon to pep up your Coke, Sierra Mist, whatever. I think vanilla root beer would be nice. It reminded me of how at Farrell’s (I don’t think there are many left in the world) you used to be able to order vanilla, cherry or chocolate cokes that had syrup mixed in.

I did purchase a Cadbury Crème Egg ice cream, if you can imagine. The actual icy confection on a cone doesn’t really resemble the illustration on the wrapper, but my photo didn’t turn out (I’m lame and can’t figure out how to make the object in the foreground in focus rather than the other way around). The top portion is kind of small, smaller than a Drumstick. And there really is a yellow fondant fake yolk in the middle of the vanilla ice cream. It was kind of creepy and incredibly sugary and I loved it.

The P'EatZZa Sandwich is "a marriage made only in 7-Eleven heaven." Well, they said it. I’m more fascinated by the spelling and pronunciation (Puh-Eat-Zuh) of the damn thing than the actual item itself.

There’s nothing novel about selling two-packs of hard boiled eggs, but sometimes simplicity gets you too.

7-Eleven * 301 65th St., Brooklyn, NY

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Jul 22

When You’re Here, You’re Family

Perhaps god has taken pity on me because after six months of dread and doom, we’re finally pitching a client that’s fun (to me—I’m sure this would be torture to many). A good deal of my time is spent getting up to speed on topics I know nothing about and/or have no interest in, so I can pass along the info to someone who actually does something with it. Like I’ll research pharmaceuticals that are totally unnecessary (you know, things for dry eye and restless leg syndromes), see how CEO’s in certain industries are being quoted so we can “position” our client strategically, find background on the steel industry in the Balkans. Stuff that makes you want to scratch your eyes out. (And that’s just the work, which I don’t really have a problem with—it’s the people around me that make me wish I was blind and deaf.)

So, we have a major chain restaurant conglomerate to pitch (I can’t say who, though it’s not like corporate spies read my blog). That means I’ll spend the next week studying the competition, i.e. what’s on their menu, what’s the pricing structure like, who their target audience is, what kinds of promotions are they doing, etc. Oh, and we’re supposed to try out the restaurants and one of our client’s brands isn’t in NYC so it would involve a daytrip. Unfortunately, I’ll be in Barcelona while my coworkers are eating cheese slathered coconut shrimp or some nonsense. It’s for the best because the company you’re with greatly affects the chain dining experience, and I’d just end up miffed and traumatized.

Coconut2_1

Luckily, a friend is having a birthday dinner at Olive Garden next Monday so I’ll be able to indulge in a little mass produced fare with people I like. My birthday is Tuesday and I suspect I’ll be taken out to dinner someplace since I usually am, but I’m never informed until the last minute.

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Jun 17

Ruby Tuesday

In my most uncharacteristic move ever, I only ate a total of four bites of food during this mishap of a meal. No fault of Ruby Tuesday's, it was just bad timing. I was originally excited to get to try a new-to-me chain restaurant (I mean, I had seen ads but had never paid a visit) but I suspect I was rapidly becoming the victim of food poisoning from earlier dim sum. Having no appetite is a very rare occurrence in my world so I knew something sinister was up.

My head was pounding as we went ahead and ordered chips with spinach cheese dip to share, a sliders with both fries and onion rings for myself. Neither item was enjoyed much, as I had to run to the bathroom twice to stave off false upchuck alarms. Our teenage waitress was kind of enough to give me ibuprofen out of her purse. There's something very suburban about that-I wouldn't dare ask staff for aspirin in NYC.

But it was too late for over the counter painkillers. We had to wrap up our food (of course–sick as a dog or not, I'm not wasting edibles) and hightail it out of there before there was an embarrassing accident. Said accident did eventually occur repeatedly into a DSW bag while stuck in a Staten Island traffic jam.

While I believe Chinese snacks were the likely culprit, I'm going to have a hard time setting foot inside a Ruby Tuesday for some time.

Ruby Tuesday * 675 US Highway 1 S., Iselin, NJ

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Jun 16

Can a Mall be Too White?

Articles like For Some, An Online Persona Undermines a Resume make me nervous because I really have a hard time judging what can and should be public. It’s not the ‘90s anymore and everyone has the ability to know everyone’s online business. It’s not like I’m posting debaucherous photos of myself (though I have no problem posting words that don’t exist in the dictionary. How can debaucherous not be a word?). I very much restrain myself, much more so now than say, seven years ago. I don’t badmouth, bare my soul (completely) or thankfully, my ass. I do talk about unimportant things and complain quite a bit but that’s hardly a cyber-crime.

Speaking of crime, it seems that malls are no longer safe havens for white folks. In the past week there has been two anti-white mall mentions in the news. Two, does not a trend make, so I’m waiting for the tipping point. The case for the White Plains mall murder that happened last summer is currently going to trial. "All I knew was she had blond hair and blue eyes and she had to die," isn’t really laughable (though it might be in another context) so I’ll leave that one alone.

But for some reason, the guy in Long Island who threw a boulder at a family in a minivan in a parking lot because the mall had become “too white” amuses me. Come on now, is there anything whiter than a mall? There’s no way anyone could argue that somehow Anglo-Saxons borrowed and/or misappropriated mall culture from African-Americans (but if you’d like to try, I’d love to hear it). Of all the things to get worked up over. But judging from the Sunrise Mall’s anchor stores: Wal-Mart, Sears and JC Penny and lack of any dining more upscale than food court offering Bourbon St. Grill, it doesn’t sound like much of a gentrified shopping center to me. Carl Graves really needs to get out more.

Admittedly, I don’t really get or know my Long Island neighborhoods. Like you hear about the Hamptons (I did have an ice cream cone there once while driving through) and clearly that’s rich white people. Then you hear about people tormenting Mexicans and that has to be trashy white people. But then, there are pockets that are seemingly not white at all and I’m guessing this is where the lovely Sunrise Mall might be located.

Img_chalkboard I vividly recall on perhaps my second weekend living in NYC, tagging along to Jones Beach in a borrowed car (the luxury!) with the girls I was staying with. On the way home we stopped at a Red Lobster in a mall parking lot in Baldwin. I’m pretty sure it was called Green Acres and there was a store with outside signage called Stern’s. I don’t think they have those anymore. But we were the only white diners, which was slightly jarring since this was very un-NW and I hadn’t even begun to acclimate to Brooklyn yet. At least no one threw chunks of concrete at us. (I wouldn’t have minded it if someone hurled a Cheddar Bay Biscuit at me because you can never have too many of those.)

I pitched a story about South American hot dogs (yes, South American hot dogs) on Tuesday and they want it by Monday, which is kind of pushing it even though it’s not exactly Pulitzer-level taxing. There’s no way I’ll be able to handle five restaurants tonight. Not to mention the fact that I don’t even like hot dogs (weird, right?). They’re one of the few foods, along with melon, potato chips, chili and spaghetti and meatballs that I could never eat again for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t be sad.

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Jun 14

Early Bird Special

Oh my goodness, my early to bed, early to rise and then exercise plan is not having the intended effects at all. I had visions of rising an hour earlier and after 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer and a shower (I'm a night bather) I would be amazingly energized and refreshed. Instead, I woke up with that tired gritty eye feeling and it never dissipated all day. I've had bloodshot eyes and have been groggy since 6:30am and it's now 8:10pm. So, not revitalized. I had even poorer concentration skills at work, was hungrier and sweat even more than normal on my way to work. I'm going to keep at it for the rest of the week in hopes that my body will acclimate, but I see sleeping in till the last possible moment, working out a few nights a week and going to bed with wet hair in my future.

In fact, I'm so exhausted that it's all I can do to type the following link about the Cheesecake Factory from this week's Time. If I went to Yale and knew how to write journalistically and published in mainstream newsweekly magazines, I would totally want to write about Cheesecake Factory (though, apparently, one needs an unusual name for this gig. Oh, and to live in Park Slope. I was curious about a name like Jyoti Thottham, so I looked it up. If you ever see a one-line writer's bio that claims the author lives in Brooklyn, you're guaranteed it's Park Slope. Jyoti lives right near those Grand Army Plaza arches at the top of Prospect Park.). No commentary from me, this quote sums it up, "With its kitchen-sink menu and gargantuan portions, the Cheesecake Factory is big-tent cuisine at its most expansive. It is a restaurant where everything is included but nothing is authentic." In other words, no mint in the summer rolls or anchovies in the puttanesca, but you'll get large servings of said blandness. I actually plan on a C.F. excursion Saturday while at the Menlo Park Mall in Edison, NJ on a suit-seeking mission. It's not every day you get to eat fried macaroni and cheese on top of marinara.

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Jun 10

Out with the Old, In with the New

Arbys I’m so out of the loop. How could I not know about this new mall development in Glendale? I love me a Queens mall, but there’s something a bit off with The Shops at Atlas Park. For one, I have no idea what half of these stores even are. Crazy for Animals? Amish Fine Food? White House-Black Market?! What the hell? These are not the chains I’m accustomed to. That’s what happens when you build a mall where no subway goes. And Chili’s is no great shakes. They don’t even have a theme. Er, or are baby back ribs their calling card?

After the lack of Sonics anywhere 100 miles from here, I got on an Arby’s bender because they’re another one of those fast food companies that advertises on TV yet has (almost) zero NYC presence. And I’m dying for a beef ‘n cheddar. I used to eat a beef ‘n cheddar and jamocha shake almost every day for lunch as a high school freshman. Oh, and a Cherry Coke and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in study hall (and I weighed like 70 pounds less then than I do now. No shit. More and more, I’m starting to believe that metabolism slowing with age thing).

A few weeks ago I noticed that they’re building an Arby’s in Middle Village, which makes me happy. But it’s being constructed on the old Niederstein’s spot (scroll to middle of page), which makes me sad because it was the oldest restaurant on Long Island (of course you all know that technically Queens and Brooklyn are on Long Island). Even though the food supposedly sucked, I had every intention of trying Niederstein’s for at least the novelty of an old German hold-out nestled next to a cemetery, while I lived those three years in neighboring Ridgewood. But I never did it. I’ll have to rectify that oversight with a beef ‘n cheddar (don't forget the Horsey Sauce) in the near future.

Old style Arby's hat photo borrowed from tesg's guide to big chain road food consumption.

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May 29

Bowl Me Over

Bowls I know I can't be the only one bothered by KFC's new Famous Bowls. And it's not like I have good taste either (I'm totally fascinated by Crunchwraps and stuffed crust pizza). There's just something very wrong about this overloaded combination. Fried chicken, corn, mashed potatoes and gravy all seem innocent enough when compartmentalized on the plate, so it must be the crowning glory, the three cheese (which three, pray tell?) blend.

The completely unnecessary addition of cheese (hey, except in that stuffed crust) is the hallmark of any good American fast food invention. It's like the recipe developers just weren't satisfied with cramming a typical KFC meal in a bowl and calling it a day (not too long ago Taco Bell went this same route with their Border Bowl). It had to have that extra oomph, and in many cases oomph equals cheese.

My other personal peeve with this dish is that it's one of those crammed convenience meals that might psychologically feel like you're eating less than a normal plate full of food because it's all squished and combined. I like my food to last a long time so superficially it seems more satisfying. I hate how in NYC (or maybe other places too) they serve bagels filled to the gills and halved like a sandwich. I always pull mine apart (and occasionally remove some of the cream cheese-I know, blasphemy) so it takes twice as long to eat. Ok, maybe I'm the one with the problem. I like to eat a lot and it's a trick I can play on myself that works.

Mayo I've always had an unabashed problem with mayonnaise, though I will admit to gaining an appreciation for the emulsified spread served with French fries, especially if it's freshly whipped up. I mean, it's just egg and oil, so what's the big deal? I will concede that mayonnaise has its place…in small doses.

Yet, I'm disturbed by Hellman's Easy Out! because it's encouraging excessive use of the questionable condiment, just what I've rallied against for like 30 years. Did consumers really cry out for easier access to mayo? The commercial shows a huge dollop being squeezed onto a wrap, akin to shaking hot sauce on a burrito. Not the same.

Now, squeezable cranberry sauce? That's bizarre on a totally different level. Inoffensive, yet odd.

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May 17

My Way or the Fairway

Everyone has priorities in life. Me, I took a day off work to check out the new Fairway in Red Hook. I almost spontaneously gave my notice yesterday, which would've been severely stupid since I have zero job prospects at the moment. The only thing that kept me from walking out was the promise of a shiny, new Fairway to visit the following day. Seriously…I never claimed to be un-pathetic.

It's odd because in a car, it's only like five minutes to get to the end of Van Brunt St., but walking it seemed like more of a haul, maybe 30 minutes or so. I took the BQE foot bridge that's across the street from my apt. and then proceeded to get twisted around and ended up over off Lorraine St. where all those busted stores and laundromat are, at the end of the projects. Even the nasty now shuttered Court St. Key Food that the entire (blog) world hated would be an improvement over the Red Hook grocery situation. The Fairway is like a massive jump from shitty to super with never having spent any time in the mediocre middle.

I'm guessing I made it there around 10:35am and I was completely surprised by the lack of massive crowds. Not that I'm complaining, I'm severely pushy people-phobic. Of course, there was lots of rampant shopping cart banging and blocking and the usual slow movers and gawkers. But it was manageable. For a while, there might've been more press than public.

I got overwhelmed and only ended buying a Vitamin Water (lemon-lime perform because you know, I'm a high performing individual). Now that I'm back home and settled in, I wish I would've bought some snacks (there aren't any real grocery stores in Carroll Gardens proper since the Key Foods went bust. Jeez, I can't believe I've managed to bring up that abominable store twice in one post).

I've posted more images on Flickr (yes, I've started buying into the whole Flickr mania–though I could still take or leave You Tube) if you're interested.

The parking lot was about 85% full

They had just wrapped up a stirring rendition of "New York, New York"

The Brooklyn Eagle and either a co-owner or the landlord (I've seen this same man with two different names attributed to him in newspapers–maybe the landlord and owner are both large gray-haired men in overalls?).

ho I tCheeses of the

world

A cute alternative to the typical laughing cow cheese. I think the text was in Hebrew.

I'm not cheese obsessed, I was just trying to find something for price comparison. Blue Castello, one of my middlebrow favorites, was $4.29 (or $4.59–my mind is blanking) which seemed spendy. It's only 99-cents at the East Village Cheese Shop, but then theirs is also half-rancid half of the time.