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Posts from the ‘Chains of Love’ Category

Where You Won’t Find Barrel-Aged Cocktails or Fernet Branca

Atrium bar

New smaller combo Red Lobster/Olive Gardens with
shared kitchens
make the mind reel–could one substitute endless Cheddar Bay
Biscuits for breadsticks? (Seriously, who wouldn't if they could?)

Yet the more fascinating aspect is that these prototypes–only
six currently exist–house a separate Darden brand, The Atrium Bar, with a menu
belonging to neither restaurant.

The only photographic evidence, above, isn't
exactly convincing, but as a Darden completist (I still need to get to West Nyack and
try Yard House, a newish acquisition) I would try a flatbread and glass of
Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling (I don't even need to see a menu to know that
would be poured).

Photo: Wilkes Journal Patriot

 

 

Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.

I would be remiss in not taking part of all that
Times Square has to offer, now that my office in right in the thick of it. And
if there's one thing chains are adept at, it's responding fairly rapidly on social
media.

I put out a plea. And Bubba Gump was there for me (29 minutes later). 

But really the deciding factor was that out of the many choices in a one-block radius, it was the only chain I'd never tried before. That shrimpy alien-eyed mascot in a top hat had beckoned many times in New Orleans, but I'm not a monster. Three visits in, there's no way that even I could justify allocating a dining occasion there in such a food-rich city. But I'm here all the time and have no problem sacrificing a meal in search of greater knowledge. Bubba Gump Times Square is a very YOLO experience.

I expected tourists. I did not expect foreign
tourists. There's a heck of a lot of Italian, Spanish and British-accented
English being spoken in line–and yes, there's a line, despite the multiple
wood-planked dining rooms that sprawl along the second floor overlooking the
northeast corner of 44th and Broadway. More American than New York, though, two
diners will still be given a raised booth that could easily seat six, almost
making it worth the wait. (For the record, Guy's American Kitchen, equally
large, on the same block, looked like you could walk in and snag a table
immediately.)
Bubba gump sign

Are the foreigners Forrest Gump fans? I ask, because
a friend who's worked in the Viacom building and wondered why anyone would line
up, didn't realize the restaurant was themed after the movie. Memorabilia is
everywhere and so are the cameras capturing it. My only interaction with the
film was once choosing it over True Lies on an unusually hot Portland night
because I was desperate for air conditioning, drunk, and I could get in free to
movies. I missed the first half, and barely remember the second half.

Bubba gump blue hawaii

They push the commemorative glasses with the
cocktails, but you can buy your Sierra Mist, blue curacao, rum, vodka, gin and
pineapple juice, a.k.a. the Blue Hawaiian, to consume in the normal manner,
just renting the glass. The drink are sweet and you won't get drunk, despite
the Long Island Iced Tea-esque list of ingredients. Even two stiff brown
spirited cocktails at Rum House afterwards won't mitigate the aqua-ness.

Bubba gump shrimper's net catch

Calories are listed on the menu, as is now the law, and
no surprise, quite a few dishes break the 1,000 limit. Peel and eat shrimp will
not (only 300, if you care). The most popular dish by far is the Shrimpers
Heaven, basically 1,420 calories worth of fried shrimp every which way. Vacationers
don't care.

Bubba gump bubba's far out dip

If you want a little more cheese and fat, with
spinach and artichokes thrown in, Bubba's Far Out Dip will suffice.

Bubba gump dumb luck coconut shrimp

And if it's requisite breading and frying you're
after, the coconut shrimp with a marmalade dip, supposedly Cajun, works and you
don't even have to like seafood because of all the orange and coconut sweetness.

There is a dish called Bubba's After the Storm
"Bucket of Boat Trash," which I hope makes more sense to those who
paid better attention to the movie.

Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. * 1501 Broadway, New York, NY

Thank God It’s Flat-Screened

Fridays

No shock, TGI Friday's has a bit of an image
problem. Even in its natural suburban habitat, the slowly evolving fern bar
feels a little long in the tooth. The chain wants to lure back singles because
they drink more and spend more
(without alienating the families, of course).

The solution has been less flair and more flat
screens. Laminate tables have been replaced with wood, as young drinkers
require, and strawberry-basil margaritas and cucumber cocktails featuring Hendrick's
gin now compete with the signature Mudslide.

Except that every single customer in the foreground
of this photo meant to show off a remodeled version with "plush leather
seats, solid wood tables and the marble-topped bar" looks to be over 70.

I'm thinking TGI Friday's might be a perfect
candidate for The Middle Ages.

Photo: TGI Friday's/Star Tribune

Unseasonal Menus

Cravings MenuTaco Bell's announcement of a new "low-end" menu elicited
online snickers, but it just means that the company is introducing a $1 Cravings Menu to
counterbalance its, er, upscale, Cantina Bell offerings. Nearly twenty years ago (hell, the mid-'90s are that distant?) Taco Bell had a 59-cent, 79-cent, 99-cent menu, so $1 fast food in 2013 is rightfully low-end.

On the innovation side, Fast Company has the Dorritos
Locos Taco backstory.

But what I really care about is Bonefish Grill and
the "menu refresh" that came to light in Bloomin' Brands' earnings
call
this week. It'll be the first since 2008 and will begin testing in August.

I'll assume it doesn't involve doing away with bones.


 

 

Must Be the Breadsticks

Unlimited

Attention was paid to the fact that cheaters love
chain restaurants.
But the real Business Insider doozy was this thing (can you even
call this a post or an article?) appearing online 15 minutes later about one anonymous
Wall Streeter getting shit done at Olive Garden.

I'll go on record saying that I ate at Bubba Gump on
Tuesday. I would totally take clients there if I had an expesnse account (and clients).

The Week in Chains: Hebrew, Hawaiian, Hungry

Cinnbon israel

The debut issue of Israeli Playboy describes
Playmate of the Month, Marin Teremets, as "the hottest and sweetest
thing imported from America since the chain Cinnabon.” If this photo is to be used as evidence,  the country has some unusual
ideas about baked goods.

Like the Chinese embracing Friends a
decade-and-a-half late
, in 2013 South Africans are now getting a taste of KFC's
breasts-as-buns, Double Down.
Don't feel too bad for them, though, because they
get a Hawaiian burger (pineapple! "Colonel dressing!") and no one
else does.

Sakura
I'd like to promise that this is the first and last
time I ever republish a Hungry Girl tweet (I could always move on to Facebook
where she's upsetting dieters by posting photos of fries from Gordon Ramsay in
Tokyo
). But damn if those Cherry Blossom drinks and sweets aren't pretty.

Next time in Tokyo, there may be a Dippin' Dots.

Photo: Cinnabon Israel via Facebook

The Week in Chains: Petites Tomates, Pei Wei Kuwait, Pretzels for Saigon

Petite faim

Frankly, I would visit an international P.F. Chang’s sooner than a Pei Wei, but the question has been posed on Twitter.

Pei Wei has expanded globally! Has anyone visited either of our international locations in Mexico or Kuwait? twitter.com/PeiWei/status/…

— PeiWei (@PeiWei) March 22, 2013

Maybe you’re familiar with CaliBurger? I am not. Two
will be opening in China
with the promise of 
“an environment that looks, smells, and feels like California.”

Auntie Anne’s, on the other hand, is nationally
ubiquitous, right? Now Saigon will have access to soft pretzels (but not the
dipping sauces
, according to this blogger).

Three’s a chain, so Mission Chinese Paris, looking
more like a reality
, merits a mention.

On the uncool end of the spectrum, France loves fast
food
and is the second-largest McDonald’s market after the US. I don’t imagine
the chain’s cherry tomatoes packaged like fries is contributing to its
popularity.

SAT-style, Starbucks could eventually be to China as
McDonald’s is to France. According to Chief Executive Howard Schultz, “”It’s
no doubt that one day China will become our second-largest market after the US
and it’s possible that, over many years, potentially the largest one.”

Wendy’s in Ecuador? Ok, why not.

 

Chain Links: Uno, Dos, Tres

Mexico city chicken

I was getting a little concerned that the Middle
East was hogging all the international Cheesecake Factories for itself. No
worries (ha, why does everyone hate "no problem" and "no
worries" so much?) Mexico and Chile (and possibly Argentina, Brazil,
Colombia and Peru) will see at least 12 locations in the next eight years. I do
wonder if Mexico City, the first recipient, will put Mexico City Chicken, i.e. "fresh
lime chicken breasts over black beans and chicken chorizo, with white rice and spicy
tomato sauce. topped with roasted corn salsa," on the menu.

Brazil, Colombia, Panama and the Dominican Republic
may not be seeing Cheesecake Factories any time soon, however, these countries
will possibly be consoled by Darden brands like Red Lobster, Olive Garden and
Longhorn Steakhouse.
Sorry, no Bahama Breeze.

No one in Columbia or Peru probably asked for a Sbarro, but too bad. If the existing Mexican Sbarros are any indication, the other Latin American markets won't see a single nod to localization. The elusive Stuffed Philly Cheese Steak pizza survives south of the border, though.

Mexico City chicken photo: Lon&Queta/Flickr

Bonefish Grill Staten Island

If I were a paid mystery shopper for Bloomin’ Brands
Inc. or a fake employee on Mystery Diners (that show is so staged, right?) I’d have to report some underperformance at NYC’s first Bonefish Grill. One could go as far as saying I’m a Bonefish aficionado (no one should go as far as saying afishianado) since I’m unabashed about it being my favorite casual dining chain. Sometimes it even gives me feelings. Staten Island’s attempt, though, left me feeling that they weren’t quite following New Jersey’s model.

They do take reservations, unusual for a chain, and it’s an amenity not fully advertised so it’s great for  pissing off people who’ve been waiting close to an hour for their beeper to go off while you get seated straightway (this is how you induce envy in the suburbs).

So, with said reservations at 8:30pm on a Friday, intentionally arrived early to scope out the bar scene. The restaurant, a former Carrabba’s (there’s also no Olive Garden in S.I. which makes me wonder if the Italian-American contingent won’t abide chains) was far less bustling than its New Jersey counterparts. And while less crowded, it still felt understaffed. It took 15 minutes to get a drink, we weren’t given the list of specials (I’m not going to order a White Winter Cosmopolitan anyway, but you should offer) and I was asked if I wanted the blue cheese olives in my “Three Olives” Martini (quotes, all theirs) a not uncommon New York-ism where you order something as described on the menu and then are asked what you want in it. So, yes, I want the three blue cheese olives. Of interest, they were serving Brooklyn Sorachi Ace and lager, a nod to NYC not found at Garden State locations.

Bonefish grill staten island bread

I started getting panicky (ok, not really) when the bread and pesto dipping sauce didn’t automatically arrive after being seated and I didn’t see evidence on anyone’s table. Once again, like the cheesey olives, we were asked if we wanted bread instead of it arriving by default. Why do they not understand that America is about excess? Would Red Lobster ask if you wanted Cheddar Bay Biscuits? Of course not because the biscuits are the only reason to dine at Red Lobster. Bonefish’s warm cibatta is no Cheddar Bay Biscuit, but it’s part of the routine. The loaf eventually came, but naked on a plate instead of swaddled in the usual white poly-blend napkin in a metal basket. Is this approved by corporate?

Bonefish grill staten island bang bang shrimp

The signature Bang Bang Shrimp arrived minutes after ordering, suspiciously fast. And suspiciously soft.

Bonefish grill staten island lobster thermidor

I don’t go to Bonefish for pin-pricks of sauce or tweezered micro-herbs artfully arranged on the plate, but I wouldn’t mind a little symmetry. My Lobster Thermidor Dorado (a not bad mahi mahi filet smothered in cream sauce, crab meat and lobster claws) is about to escape off the plate.

True to form, they did play moderately obscure alternative songs (It was “Shellshock” that originally endeared me) that now sound adult contemporary like Echo and the Bunnyman’s 1996 past its prime, “Stormy Weather.”

Cadillac hubcap

On the way back to Brooklyn, a Cadillac exploded or I don’t even know what and a flying hubcap shredded our tire. And then the flat replacement had a hole. I can’t help but think that waiting two hours for AAA to do something (they won’t rescue on the BQE, by the way; you must get your car up an exit onto a service road unless you want to pay extra for the tow) in teen temps (no surer way to sober up after a few Zombies) was a sure sign that suburban chains are best left to the real suburbs, just as a Dallas BBQ would make no sense in Westchester, a working theory that needed to be made concrete. Go try some of that Times-approved Sri Lankan food, instead.

Bonefish Grill * 280 Marsh Ave., Staten Island, NY

Chain Links: Cumin Chicken Fries & Indian Indiana Chicken

Taco indiana chicken

If for some reason you are keen on such things, 2013
has already been a banner year for international chain expansion news.

Since I don't surf or really do beaches, I've not
thought much about Costa Rica, but Technomic declares it a hotspot. It's good enough for Cosi, Moe's Southwest Grill and Smashburger.

Poor reading, i.e. skimming, comprehension led me to believe that "McDonald's takes on pizza for Italy growth spurt" meant McDonald's was going to start selling pizza in Italy. No. The only concession to local tastes described in the article is a ham and cheese sandwich.

Despite KFC's presence since 1987 Yum! Brands is losing its luster in China, along
with Western fast food generally. Domestic brands like HeheGu featuring
delicious-sounding "slow-cooked pork and bamboo shoots over rice" and
Taiwanese chains like Dico with less delicious-sounding but highly creative "cumin-flavoured
chicken fries and pineapple-chicken-mayonnaise sandwiches" are beginning
to catch up with fried chicken and pizza.

Pakistan may not love our politics, but they do love
our Fatburger
…and Johnny Rockets, Hardee's, Cinnabon and Mrs. Field's. Of course Yum! has been there the longest–since the late '90s–minus Taco Bell as usual.

While KFC
and Pizza Hut get all of the attention abroad, in 2010 Yum! did launch Taco
Bell in India. It hasn't exactly won coverts so the menu will become 60%
localized and vegetarian
, an unusual move. Thing is, I thought that's what they
were already doing. It seems like just yesterday we were hearing about Mexican
paneer potato burritos.

Sure India has a middle class, but for most Domino's
has been perceived as a special occasion treat.
The
company swapped out pricier mozzarella for "liquid cheese sauce" and
voila: a 65-cent pizza. What I'd really like to see is an explanation for Taco Indiana Chicken (pictured above) described as "delicious oregano sprinkled crispy crust and a cheesy layer over seasoned minced chicken" on the menu. That's roti not tortillas, right?

I should omit this Washington Post link on principle for allowing "Vietnamese palette" to make it in. Starbucks has infiltrated Asia, but is just now
getting around to Vietnam. Trouble is, the country already has an established
coffee culture. It might be cool if Starbucks offered those individual metal
drip filters and used a shitload of sweetened condensed milk for iced coffee.

Not all
extensions are fast food.  Brooklyn
Brewery is coming to Stockholm
and will likely cash in
Brooklyn's caché.  “Swedes love the taste of our beer, the
name of our beer and the mystique of Brooklyn," said the brewery's COO.